For the Love of a Lifestyle

Dreaming of a Place to Call Home

2012-01-28T12:58:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been daydreaming about having my own place. It's not that I want to be alone. Quite the contrary, my daydreams usually involve living in a cozy house/apartment with a roommate or two. Mostly I guess I just want a place where I have a sense of ownership, where I'd be free to decorate how I want, and to use the kitchen to make whatever I want whenever I want it, and (let's be honest) to try out all kinds of cool household things I have learned on Pinterest.

These recent daydreams may also have something to do with the fact that I have had several friends who have recently moved, gotten their own apartment, bought a house, or sold a house. Suddenly I am thinking about houses and homes and the reality of buying, renting, and selling.

I never thought I would want to buy a house. I figured I would be on the mission field, and would have no need for a home to tie me down in the States. I could just rent on furloughs and trust the Lord to provide for my housing needs. The thought of actually owning a home seemed a little worldly and materialistic to me.

But there is a difference between owning and acquiring possessions and materialism. One can own a great many things, several houses, cars, boats, planes, or whatever else, and still not be worldly or materialistic. The difference is the attitude one has toward those possessions.

I have been reading through Genesis this month, and recently read about Jacob and his dealings with Laban. Throughout the account, Jacob acquires wives, children, possessions, and all kinds of wealth. Some of this comes through hard work, and some through scheming, but ALL of it comes from the hand of the Lord.

What struck me was the fact that Jacob acknowledged that fact clearly. When he prayed to God, he recalled all that God had given to him since he fled Esau. He left empty handed, and returned a wealthy man. Though he acquired much, and through earthly means, Jacob did not hesitate to acknowledge that it was God who had given him all these things. (Genesis 32:9-12; 33:4-11)

After an honest evaluation, I'll be the first to admit that I don't tend to think of my possessions in that way. All too often I think of them as things that are rightfully mine, things that I have earned or even deserve. I think very little of the graciousness of the Lord in granting me the many things I own. But truthfully, if it were not for His generosity, I would have nothing at all.

This computer I am using to write this post, the car I drive to work in, the blankets that cover me at night, the phone that keeps me connected with the people I love, the clothes in my closet and in my dresser, the books on my shelves, the food in my fridge.... all of these things and so many more are gracious gifts from my Heavenly Father, things He did not have to give me, but things that He did.

My life might look a little different if I lived daily acknowledging this truth about my earthly possessions. I think I'd be happier, more thankful, more joyful. I'd probably have a better understanding of myself and of my God. I'd probably be more generous, giving more of my time and my resources to those around me. Just as it is easy to forgive when you realize how much you have been forgiven, it is easy to give when you realize how much you've been given.

James 1:17 "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow."

Thoughts on Matthew 14:22-36

2012-01-23T12:33:00.000-05:00

When the disciples feared for their lives because of the very real danger of the storm, Jesus did not comfort them. He did not say, "Oh you poor things, I know the storm is scary." He made His presence known: "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." When Peter took his eyes off the Lord and began to sink into the waves, Jesus responded with a chide, a rebuke: "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Even in the most serious, most threatening physical condition we find ourselves in, when we are unable to help or to save ourselves, we can take comfort in the presence of our sovereign Lord; He is in control, and He is with us. The greatest waves cannot shake us, the fiercest winds cannot topple us, and the rain cannot soak our frail bodies without permission from the hand and mouth of their Maker.

Yet it is not as though we ought to go through the difficulties of life unaffected. It is not, "Put on a brave face," that Jesus says, but, "Why did you doubt?" Christ does not call us to embrace the storms of life with a foolish grin, as though nothing were wrong, but to face them with a faith that trusts in spite of our own fears and uncertainty.

There are many unknowns in life, and many times we cannot fathom any possible solution for the very real, very difficult trials that bombard and threaten us. We are not called to have the answer, but to trust the One who does, to have full confidence in the One whose hand guided this storm into our lives and is capable of guiding it out.

In such times of fear and uncertainty, let us cast ourselves on the Maker of the storm and trust in Him, for we dare not trust ourselves and what our senses perceive. There is no real danger for those who rest in the loving hand of the Father. The blood of Christ, shed for them, makes them more secure than anything in the universe, and there is no storm that can ever pluck them from His hand.

National Abortion Federation :: Pro-choice?

2011-10-24T00:31:00.003-04:00

DISCLAIMER: Some content in this post is graphic and may be disturbing to some readers.

I was doing a little research and reading on abortions and decided to leave the pro-life websites behind and look at the so-called pro-choice websites and what they were saying.

In so doing, I came across some things that really weren't that surprising, and some other things that just made me shake my head in disbelief. How could intelligent people read these things and not feel uncomfortable with the way they talk about human life? How could they read them and not feel patronized by the blatant euphemistic language?

One site I browsed, belonging to the National Abortion Federation, is not-so-aptly named www.prochoice.org. What didn't surprise me here was the fact that the baby in the womb is referred to as an "embryo" or "pregnancy tissue" or even "the contents of the uterus." It is typical for pro-abortion advocates to talk about human life as if it is just "tissue" prior to birth, and somehow not fully human.

On this particular site, the term "embryo" was used in reference to medical abortion, which is accomplished by means of drugs. One pill interferes with the attachment of the fetus to the uterus, while another induces contractions, expelling the "embryo" [i.e. baby] from the woman's body. [The website failed to mention the fact that the failure to attach to the uterus also amounts to a failure for the placenta to develop. Ultimately the fetus is starved to death, a fact which is noted on other websites, here and here.]

The second term, "pregnancy tissue", was also used in reference to medical abortion. A cited disadvantage of such a procedure is that "Women may see blood clots and pregnancy tissue" that are expelled from their bodies. [It seems even pro-abortion advocates recognize that such a sight could be emotionally devastating for a woman.]

The term "contents of the uterus" was used in reference to a vacuum aspiration abortion procedure, where the baby is [violently] sucked out of the womb. [The website didn't really explain what happens to the fetus during this procedure. Apparently, the fact that the baby is literally ripped limb from limb in the process doesn't seem as important to communicate as information about the ease and relative comfort of the procedure for the mother. For the brave soul who wishes to further educate themselves concerning the reality of what happens to a baby during a vacuum aspiration you can start by reading this article, then seeing the pictures in this article, or watching this video. NOT for the faint of heart.]

As mentioned above, the use of this kind of terminology wasn't surprising to me. I did find it a little blatant and found myself wondering if anyone is actually fooled or comforted by the obvious euphemism for human life. Sadly, I'm sure many simply "accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions" (2 Timothy 4:3-4) and embrace the euphemisms. They believe it is true and right because that is what they want to hear.

What surprised me about this site was the general vagueness about abortion procedures and what actually happens to the baby during an abortion procedure. Upon second thought, however, I surmise that it's not too surprising after all. Why would a pro-abortion organization want to provide any information that would surely prove detrimental to their cause? While claiming to be pro-choice, they really don't provide a lot of information for helping women to consider any other choice but abortion.

The site also failed to mention late-term abortion. At least I couldn't find anything about it while I was poking around. Another case of withholding information that would undoubtedly harm the efforts of a pro-abortion organization. [See this article to read how barbaric late-term abortion procedures really are.]

Also surprising was the lack of information about the baby at all. I couldn't find any information about fetal development, let alone any links to other websites that might have this information. It was kind of disturbing to see first-hand how the existence of a child was virtually unacknowledged altogether. Again, not really pro-choice. More like just plain pro-abortion.

I suppose that's only what can be expected of an organization called the "National Abortion Federation," but I would have to protest their obvious claim to pro-choice status with the web address www.prochoice.org.

At the end of the day, the attitudes expressed in an anonymous quote I found on one of the website's articles reflect the selfishness at the heart of the abortion issue:

"I have often times regretted engaging in unprotected sexual activity which led to my getting pregnant in college. I have NEVER, not once, regretted having my abortion. By having an abortion in 1985, I did choose life - my life."

Apparently committing murder to avoid the consequences of personal irresponsibility is justifiable when having a baby would interfere with our personal lives.

I will tell of Your greatness

2011-10-08T11:05:00.000-04:00

Last year around this time I wrote a post about my sister Abigail in which I remembered the graciousness of the Lord in sparing my sister two years prior. I won't rehash the details again here, but those interested may read more in last year's post here, see my sister's website here, or read my facebook note updates about it from October 2008.

This week I have been meditating on Psalm 145 and Isaiah 40, and as I read them today I was struck by these particular verses from Psalm 145:

vv. 6-7 "Men shall speak of the power of Your awesome acts, and I will tell of Your greatness. They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness and will shout joyfully of Your righteousness."

Remembering the events of three years ago, I can think of no better way to describe them than as "awesome acts" and "abundant goodness." I hope I never forget the things that He did then, and never fail to tell of His greatness. If you see me around, I'd love to tell you about it in person. Please ask.

vv. 17-20b "The LORD is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds. The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. The LORD keeps all who love Him..."

Just Say No to the Heroine of the Day

2011-09-23T23:41:00.001-04:00

I was listening to Pandora this morning while working on a paper when an ad for a new NBC show "Prime Suspect" came on. Set in New York City, the basic plot revolves around a female detective trying to prove herself in a man's world amongst male co-workers who don't really want to work with her. Interesting.

The ad did its job well and sparked my curiosity enough to get me to wander over to YouTube and check this thing out. Not surprisingly, my suspicions were confirmed: Blonde? Check. Beautiful? Of course. Tough? Yep. She's also brilliant, smarter than all the dummy male detectives she works with, and highly driven, determined to catch the bad guy and bring them to justice every time. And, lest we hate her for being perfect, she sometimes reveals glimpses of a dark and mysterious past behind that tough exterior. Add to all these likable qualities her sensitive side and genuine compassion for the victims she encounters in the line of duty, and she's exactly the kind of woman we want fighting for justice, right?

But her type is really all too familiar. It seems every other crime show on TV has a main character with strikingly similar qualities. The Closer. Bones. Saving Grace. Cold Case. The Mentalist. Rizzoli & Isles. In Plain Sight. Alias... The list goes on. Even those that lack such a female lead, usually manage to incorporate a similar character as a prominent supporting actress. Any given version of CSI or Law & Order provides a good example in this case, and even comedy shows like Psych manage to fit a strong female detective into the cast.

When did such caricatures of women become the norm, and how should we respond to this cultural phenomenon?

Only foolishness or naivety would fail to see anything significant in such an obvious trend. The fact is that it communicates something about the way our society thinks of women. Our culture proclaims that these are the kind of women that are admirable, the kind of women that we can look up to and respect. It sets them on a pedestal as an example to be followed. They can do anything they want, whenever they want, because they answer to no one but themselves. They can keep up with and even show-up any man, and most of the time they don't need anyone or anything but themselves because they are so strong. These are great women.

Ironically, many of the qualities esteemed in these women are actually very masculine attributes. Our society apparently values women who act like men, and it seems a woman is most admirable and worthy of respect when she acts less like a woman, and more like a man. If women who actually behave like women are not worthy to be the heroines of our TV shows, is there any value in being womanly at all?

Herein lies the fundamental flaw of feminism. In attempting to free women from the oppression of men and elevate the status of women in society, women were given the right to do and be anything that a man does and is. But the ironic thought lying behind that shift communicates that the things a woman does and is are somehow inferior. In order to be free from man, woman had to become man. As a result, today's women are merely subjected to another stereotype, trapped yet again by men in that now they must imitate them in order to be valued or respected.

The biblical view of woman is entirely different. In the beginning, God created her to be distinct from man, to complement and correspond to him. He designed Eve to be Adam's helper, not his clone. Men and women have different roles, but that does not make them different in value or worth. God created them both in His image, and both possess inherent value as His image-bearers. Nor can one simply argue that any gender role distinctions were a result of the fall. God set them in place before sin entered the world. The New Covenant doesn't erase these distinctions either. New Testament writers like Paul refer back to this created order when teaching how men and women ought to behave in the church.

When you read the Scriptures and carefully observe how God speaks of women, it becomes apparent how far from truth the world has fallen. God's Word assumes a difference between men and women, while this world attempts to blur those lines of distinction more and more.

Today's TV heroines may not appear to preach their worldly message with plain words, but the truth is that they are communicating something. Don't be fooled. Just say no to the heroine of the day.

A Marvelous Dependence

2011-09-21T15:32:00.001-04:00

Sitting in class today, I suddenly became aware of my pulse. Somehow, the way my head was resting on my hand allowed me to feel it quite well, and I sat for a few moments pondering the faithful beating of my heart, pulsing blood rhythmically throughout my body.

I thought of the life-giving quality of blood, and it's theological importance in the Scriptures. I considered the vulnerability of my physical life, and it's dependence on this precious substance. But what struck me the most in those few moments of philosophical musings about the steady rise and fall of the veins beneath my skin, was my lack of control over the whole process.

At any given moment, my heart could have ceased to function, and the pulse I was paying such close attention to could have vanished. And, had that been the case, I could have done nothing to prevent it.

My life depends every moment on the continual functioning of various organs and intricate parts, most of which I have absolutely no power over. Personal conscious effort does not keep my heart beating or my lungs inhaling and exhaling. What is more, if I were suddenly given the responsibility of maintaining my own cardiovascular system, I would quickly perish, unable to sustain its basic function. Quite simply, I wouldn't know how. I lack the understanding and the power to make these vital systems work, yet I am constantly dependent on them for my own survival.

In a period of mere moments, the assumed simplicity of my pulse became to me a wonder beyond my comprehension. It humbles me to acknowledge that I do not even have the ability to sustain my own life. It humbles me, but it does not trouble me. For the second I admit that I do not cause the beating of my heart, I am am aware that Someone does.

My God, the Creator and Sustainer of all things, chooses to involve Himself intimately in the moment by moment preservation my life. I am dependent on Him, and by the word of His mouth my pulse pulses, speaking unspeakable comfort to me.

God Moves in a Mysterious Way

2011-09-21T09:19:00.000-04:00

Yesterday some college friends of mine lost their 18 day old son Judah. After just weeks of fighting, and thousands of prayers offered up, his struggle to survive is strangely over. My heart breaks as I consider the heavy consequences of sin in this fallen world, the sorrow and the devastation that it brings. But even as we mourn the loss of this little one, I know that another battle is just beginning.

In the days and weeks following this trial, his parents will face many temptations. Bitterness, Anger, and Despair will rise to take their stand against Faith, Hope, Truth, and Love. I appeal to the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort to strengthen their hearts and minds. I pray that they will stand firm on truth, that they will trust the good and sovereign hand of God.

Even this most difficult loss may prove to bring the greatest gain, glorifying God and drawing them nearer to Him. May they worship, as Job did, and say along with him, "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."

A friend recently shared with me the words of this hymn by William Cowper. They seem fitting for the occasion:

William Cowper
God Moves in a Mysterious Way

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

Psalm 19 Sky

2011-09-17T11:14:00.003-04:00

The sky was absolutely beautiful this morning over Southern. I couldn't resist taking a picture and having a little Picnik fun. For one of my classes I've been meditating on Psalm 19, and this sky was a stellar reminder of the kind of thing David is talking about when he says "The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands."

Naturally, this picture falls short of capturing the true majesty of the sky this morning. There really is nothing quite like the real thing.

Spankings Then & Now: a perspective from my 6 year old self

2011-09-05T09:07:00.001-04:00

A conversation I had earlier this week sparked some thinking about the disciplinary methods my parents used while I was growing up. As I considered the many spankings I received, I was a little surprised to acknowledge the emotions that accompanied these memories. Fondness. Gratitude.

Let me take you back:

I'm 6 or so, and just did something terrible to one of my sisters. Immediately after lashing out, I realize what I've done and a sense of fear and regret sweeps over me. The look in my father's eye and the tone in his voice tells me that I will be getting a spanking. He sends me to my room or the bathroom to "think about" what I've done. As I sit there waiting, I have plenty of time to regret my action and to feel as guilty as the sin I just committed. Fear of the coming spanking is mixed with sorrow and remorse. I know I have done wrong, and I am genuinely sorry.

Enter my father. His countenance reveals the pain my transgression has caused him. I have done wrong, and until things are made right my relationship with him is uncomfortably broken. Gently, he speaks to me. He asks me if I know why I am getting a spanking. I do, and through tears I tell him. I understand that my actions deserve punishment.

For a fleeting moment I think that he may forgo the spanking if my tears demonstrate a deep enough remorse. Yet, compared to the sorrow I see in his eyes, the spanking itself seems inconsequential. He tells me that he knows I am sorry, and that the spanking I am about to receive will hurt him more than it hurts me. My 6 year old mind cannot comprehend that possibility, but somehow it must be true. My father said it, and I trust him.

The dreaded moment comes, and bleary eyed I bend over and brace myself. A flash of pain, a flood of fresh tears, a fatherly embrace. Immediately after receiving the spanking, my 6 year old self bounds into my father's arms for comfort. The very same hands that delivered the discipline now hold me tightly, reassuring me that what once was broken has been restored. He tells me that he loves me, and I know it's true. I never doubted it for a moment.

What surprised me as I recalled these types of scenarios was the range of emotions I experienced without ever losing a sense of my father's love for me. Throughout the disciplinary process, I don't remember ever feeling or thinking that he did not love me. Perhaps I was so convinced of that love already that I never doubted it, even in the midst of receiving a spanking.

But why was my father the one I turned to after the painful disciplinary deed was done? The only explanation is that I was so sure of his love, so sure that I would find comfort there, that it did not matter that he was the one who moments before had inflicted the physical pain. Could it be that on some level I understood that he actually spanked me out of love for me?

Looking back, I know that is why my parents disciplined my sisters and me. Memories of spankings are testimonies of their love for us. Through them we learned valuable lessons of right and wrong, obedience, transgression, and reconciliation. And that is why I can honestly recall such experiences with fondness and gratitude. These things remind me of my parents' faithful love.

There are many parallels that can be drawn between my humble childhood tale and rich truths of the gospel. I have not the time to point each of them out, but I will share one that I have been meditating on this week:

God disciplines His children because of His great love for them. If my 6 year old self trusted my imperfect earthly father throughout the painful experience of discipline, how much more should I trust my Heavenly Father when He disciplines me for the sake of righteousness? And just as I ran into the arms of my earthly father for comfort during such times, should I not cling to my Heavenly Father who loves me all the more?

The author of Hebrews discusses this very idea in Hebrews 12, and comments, "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

As I consider the discipline I have received from my parents and see the fruit that it has yielded in my life I am grateful. They trained me because they loved me. In similar fashion, I pray that I may bear the discipline of the Lord with all gratitude, being confident that His great love is at work throughout the process.

Finding God's Will for Your Life

2011-09-02T23:41:00.001-04:00

Many believing men and women spend time wondering about and prayerfully considering what God's will for their lives might be. Some come to a crossroads, a point of decision in life, and agonize over which way to turn, lest they choose the wrong path and find themselves outside the will of God.

Surely it is good to be concerned about the will of God, but at what point does concern turn into anxiety? Does God really have one specific plan for each of our lives? If so, does He reveal the details of that will to us? And if the answer is yes, how does He reveal these things?

Believers often make use of several resources when seeking direction for the decisions they are faced with. Perhaps the most common of these are:

Prayer
Scripture
Circumstances
Christian Counsel
Feelings/Impressions

At first glance, the list appears pretty decent. Each of these are valuable resources to consider; however, there must be proper balance among them. Far too often believers spend just a little time in prayer and in the Word, and a lot of time considering the circumstances and talking to other believers about their options. Sadly, in the end, many decisions are made based more on feelings/impressions than on Biblical truth.

The truth is, God has already provided believers with all that we need to live within His will. The Word of God is sufficient! Wayne Grudem discusses this truth in his book, "Systematic Theology". He writes:

"The sufficiency of Scripture... tells us that nothing is required of us by God that is not commanded in Scripture either explicitly or by implication. This reminds us that the focus of our search for God's will ought to be on Scripture, rather than on seeking guidance through prayer for changed circumstances or altered feelings or direct guidance from the Holy Spirit apart from Scripture...

The discovery of this great truth could bring tremendous joy and peace to the lives of thousands of Christians who, spending countless hours seeking God's will outside of Scripture, are often uncertain about whether they have found it. In fact, many Christians today have very little confidence in their ability to discover God's will with any degree of certainty. Thus, there is little striving to do God's will (for who can know it?) and little growth in holiness before God."

Through careful study of His Word, we may gain the wisdom necessary to make decisions and follow paths that are honoring to God and living in full obedience to Him. Though we may not find specific instructions or details (such as which college to attend or what type of career to pursue), we can be assured that we are in His will if we are living according to His Word. What freedom and assurance this brings to the life of the believer!

1 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work."

Psalm 119:1 "Blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the LORD!"

Back to Blogging - a Reason to Write

2011-09-01T23:03:00.001-04:00

While having a conversation with a dear friend today, he asked me if I'd ever considered writing. The question caught me off guard and I found myself fumbling for a halfway decent response. My answer came out a little like this: "Yes I've considered it... I have other priorities... people have told me before that I should write... I'm more of a people person than a task person... I don't want to be a book on a shelf somewhere.... I don't have great ambitions...."

Even as I spoke the words, they sounded highly unsatisfying. Yet, for all the things my friend could have said about my list of lame excuses, I was gratefully humbled by his gentle reply: "God took the time to write.... the apostles wrote letters to the churches."

Simple, yet profound. What viable excuse could I offer up in light of such truth? Though I didn't react much to his statement at the time, I have thought about it intermittently throughout the day. Alas, in the final hours of the evening I still find myself without excuse. Back to blogging I go.

Perhaps I think I don't have much to say, or that few will ever read what I write, but that is alright. After all, as I pointed out to my friend earlier today, "I don't have great ambitions."

The truth is, what really convinced me was the simple fact that God took the time to communicate with us through the written Word. The preciousness of God's special revelation is something I have recently been meditating upon, and I cannot escape the wonder of the Scriptures. It is nothing short of astounding that the Almighty God - infinite, transcendent, altogether holy and set apart - would choose to condescend in such a way.

He created us, and we rejected Him. We deserve nothing but His wrath, yet He loves us and makes Himself known to us through His Word. Not only so, but He also sent His Son, Christ Jesus, who died on our behalf in order that we might personally know and be known by our Creator. He came down to our level, because we could not ascend to His. And through His written Word, He is still speaking to us today.

In light of my own sinfulness, it amazes me that God would even bother to reveal Himself to me. The fact that He actually desires for me to know Him humbles me. I can only stand in grateful awe. It is because God has revealed Himself to me that I find I do indeed have a reason to write.

"Beware Romantic Pornography"

2011-07-30T12:42:00.004-04:00

Men and women are very different, and that's a VERY good thing. Unfortunately, our culture has blended and continues to blur the lines between what is acceptable behavior for men and for women. Romantic comedies are just one avenue through which our expectations are influenced, as the author of this article, titled "Beware Romantic Pornography", points out:

"Just as sexual pornography twists an understanding for men about real women’s bodies and sexual appetites, so romantic pornography twists the perception for women about real men and how they “ought” to behave toward women..."

Read the full article here and take some time to consider how your romantic expectations are formed and shaped. This definitely made me think twice about how I expect men to behave and why.

An article every woman should read:

2011-07-20T20:19:00.004-04:00

I first learned the dirty details about birth control in one of the best classes of my undergrad, "Women Counseling Women." What I learned saddened me greatly, and convinced me that I can never use today's most popular methods of birth control. The facts laid out in this article ought to make any true believer and true pro-lifer think twice about birth-control methods.

Consider carefully, I urge you, and please share this article with the woman in your life who are using or considering these birth control methods. Women need to know the truth that the world isn't telling them!

_____________________________________

“About our security measures,” says the preschool director, “We have a couple of airtight ways of keeping the kids safe and in the building. One: we have locks on the doors. Two: we have security cameras and staff keeping an eye on the parking lot. Those 2 measures almost always work, but on rare occasions, they get past those security measures, so we have a guillotine at the door. Nobody gets past that.” “Great!” you say. “Sign us up!”
That’s insane, right? Already you know where I’m going and are typing flaming response comments in your head. Hang on a minute. Let’s just look at this practically.
If you are pro-life and preventing pregnancy, you might be violating your own convictions, unaware. Here’s why.

We walk by faith, not by sight

2011-07-20T17:20:00.008-04:00

Walking by faith and not by sight is easier said than done. I arrived in Louisville, KY just over a month and a half ago, and have experienced about as many emotions as I have days. Trusting God to provide a job, trusting Him to lead me to the right church, trusting Him to provide for my financial needs as a seminary student...

When I arrived on campus I moved into my room, a little excited about living on the undergrad side of the dorm and being able to mentor some of the college girls. A few days later, I ended up having to move over to the seminary side anyway. A little letdown, I trusted that God had a better plan for me and my ministry down here.

Looking for jobs was pretty discouraging. I got calls for lifeguarding jobs, but my certification was expired. One hopeful afternoon was spent calling around to every YMCA and Red Cross office in the area only to find out that I had already missed all the lifeguarding classes for the summer.

The Lord did provide a job. One Monday I called in about a 'now hiring' advertisement at a restaurant. Later that day I went in and filled out an application. When I handed it in, the manager scheduled a meeting for later that afternoon, in which I was hired on the spot. After a week of searching for jobs and chasing down leads, the Lord provided one in a single day.

But I have still struggled. I left a job in PA that I felt was poor stewardship of my God-given gifts. How was moving several states and working at a restaurant a step in the right direction? Most of the people I was working with were already believers, themselves students at the seminary. It was a great environment to work in, but I couldn't even use my job as an occasion for evangelism. Wasn't that something I had prayed for, even before the move? I felt frustrated, and demotivated. Sure I was working to pay for my education, but couldn't there be a job more suited for me out there? Lord, why this?

I sat down one afternoon and calculated my upcoming school expenses and my current income only to discover that there is a drastic gap. Trying to figure out how to balance work and school, when you're not even sure if all your work is enough money to pay for the school is a tough place to be. I'm supposed to be a full-time student to live in the dorm. Though the dorm is the cheapest living expense I have yet to come across, I'm not sure at this point if I can afford the full-time tuition required to live in the dorm. That would mean working more hours, but I'm not sure I could work enough hours and keep up with a full-time student load at the same time. It's beginning to seem like it's just right to be wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if I made a wrong turn somewhere, if I took some bad advice, or if I somehow misunderstood the leading of the Lord somewhere along the way. Was I foolish for coming all this way without a plan? If it really was the Lord Who led me down here, why hasn't He provided for these needs? I wonder if maybe I was just thinking of myself and what I wanted instead of really seeking the Lord's will...

In the midst of all this, I have noticed my car has started to make funny noises. At high speeds, and especially going uphill, it makes a sort of grinding noise and shakes/jerks/shudders the car. To my untrained ears, it felt like my automatic was trying to change gears and they were not catching. Not a good sign. I did a little research and found out that my car isn't worth half what it would cost to replace the transmission. How can I even think about buying another car when I don't even know how I'm going to pay for school and housing?

When I took the car in, they drove it around and told me it was a misfire in the engine, not the transmission. Good news, but unfortunately they didn't have the right piece for their scanner to find out what the actual cause of the problem was. I had to wait a week before I could take it in again. The second time their scanner revealed 5 or 6 codes, which basically means the computer in my car told their scanner that there are 5 or 6 things wrong with the engine in my car. But because there were so many, they still didn't know which specific thing was causing the misfire. However, they were gracious enough to point out that one of the codes was pretty serious and if that part needed replacing it would be about $500. Thanks.

Even better, the free assessment had expired at this point, and they were estimating 2 hours at $90/hr just to find out which of the 5 or 6 things was my problem. I graciously said not right now, asked the man to write down the codes for me, and left. At this point I cried for a good while, and shed a few tears here and there over the next few days. Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe the feeling. What am I supposed to do? Who can I trust to look at the car and be straight with me? How am I going to afford to fix it?

Fast-forward to today. Another week has expired since that last trip to the auto-shop, and I still don't know what is wrong with the car. Someone from church took a look at it this past weekend and is going to try replacing a couple things tomorrow. They just happen to have a parts engine lying around that is the same as mine. The Lord is good, no? Hopefully that will take care of the problem. For now it's still a waiting and trusting battle.

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me and I'd be lying if I said I have been trusting God through the whole experience. There have been days when I was near despair, days when I was afraid, days when I was frustrated, and days when I felt abandoned. Even now it is a fight to speak truth to myself and to trust in the Lord. Nagging, worrying thoughts still creep up now and again.

I'd like to point out that am thankful for the church the Lord has led me to here. Each week I am preached the mercies of the glorious gospel and encouraged by the hope it holds for me and the blessings that are mine in Christ Jesus. I have already been given so much, more than I can ever repay. Why wouldn't I trust my day to day physical life to the One who has already saved me spiritually? But it's easier said than done, much like walking by faith and not by sight.

When I look around I see many reasons to fear and to worry. Though there seems to be much cause for anxiety, God is still sovereign. He is in control, not me. I find it a relief to know that I am not responsible for making everything work out. I came down here to go to school because I want to know God more, to love Him more deeply, to study His Word, and to serve Him more faithfully with my gifts. But all these things I can do whether or not I am going to school.

There are a lot of unknowns right now, but that is precisely why it is walking by faith. Here is where the rubber meets the road. Today, by the grace of God, this soldier is marching onward.

You must read this!

2011-06-16T10:35:00.005-04:00

So, my friend shared this with me on facebook and I believe that it is SO IMPORTANT that I am sharing it here too. It is a blog post written by a single dad and titled "Worthless women and the men who make them." The message he shares is one that I have felt for years, but have been unable to express. I think, as he says in his post, that it is a message that is going to have to come from the voices of men if it is going to have lasting impact. Please do yourself a favor and take the time to read this article. It is WELL worth it.

You may read the article here or by clicking the link in the title above.

Life Lesson on a Last Day at Work

2011-05-27T10:28:00.010-04:00

Today is my last day at work; the feeling is surreal. Lord willing, I will be headed down to Louisville, KY next week for the start of something that feels bigger than me. But this post is less about looking forward than it is about looking back.

This morning, God sovereignly ordained that my quiet time would be spent in 2 Kings 5. I say sovereignly ordained because I have been reading sporadically through 1 & 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles lately. As I study, I try piecing together the various accounts of the reigns of the kings of Israel and Judah. I have been finding the history fascinating, and have ended up jumping back and forth, re-reading some sections and cross-referencing between the books on others. My study has also landed me reading from some of the prophets who were contemporaries of the kings I am reading about.

All that to say, despite the disorderly pattern I have kept, it was not the least bit coincidental that I happened to read 2 Kings 5 today. God must have known I would find this account challenging to me on this, my last day of work.

The chapter records the account of Naaman, the leprous captain of the army of Aram. Much struck me within the details of this record:

In verse 1 we read that the Lord had given victory to the army of Aram through Naaman. Clearly God works with Gentiles and pagans, even in the Old Testament. He is sovereign over all that takes place.

Verses 2-5 detail how God used a young slave girl to stir this Aramean celebrity to seek the healing of the Lord and to go before his king in the process. Fascinating. It speaks to how God can use the humblest individuals to influence the mighty.
In the same verses, the quickness of Naaman to seek healing from a foreign God was also intriguing. Was he desperate? Did he really think that it might work?
This quickness also stands in contrast to the reaction of the king of Israel found in verses 6-7. He demonstrates little faith in the God of Israel, and fears conspiracy rather than seeking the Lord at all.

For those familiar with the story, Naaman is healed of his leprosy by washing in the Jordan river 7 times, according to the instruction of Elisha, the prophet of the Lord (verses 8-14). After being miraculously healed, he responds by declaring, "Behold now, I know that there is no God in all the earth, but in Israel." He acknowledges that the LORD truly is God.

More details follow, including an account of the disobedience of Elisha's servant, but what really struck me was the words of Naaman's servants in verse 13. When Naaman became furious at the instruction of Elisha to wash himself 7 times in the Jordan, his servants said to him, "My father, had the prophet told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more then, when he says to you, 'Wash and be clean'?"

Naaman was expecting some elaborate methods and rituals for healing, and the command to merely wash himself in the river left him beyond disappointed. After all, he had he had travelled many miles to see this prophet and receive healing. When he finally arrives at the house of the prophet, Elisha doesn't even bother to see him. Instead, he sends out a messenger to instruct Naaman to go and wash himself. This man, the captain of the army of Aram, friend of the king and a sort of celebrity back home, must have felt like he was being ripped off.

If you're wondering how this relates at all to today being my last day at work, here is where it all comes together. As I read the words of Naaman's servants, I thought of my time spent working this past year. Many times I have felt that the daily tasks and responsibilities of a desk job were not too thrilling. Many times I have felt that my job is not very significant, or that the things I do at work are not lasting and important. Many times I have been frustrated, bitter, and dissatisfied with my experience working in an office as a secretary. I long for exciting, fulfilling work. Is that so wrong?

But as I read the words of Naaman's servants over and over, I confess that I was convicted. The work I have done this year may not be world-changing, or even life-changing, but what matters more than the work itself is why I am doing it and Who I am doing it for. God didn't require elaborate methods to heal Naaman's leprosy, but He did require obedience. In the same way, this past year God did not require of me anything terribly grand or adventurous in the workplace, but He did require that I work, and that I "work heartily, as for the Lord." Was I faithful? I regret that many times I needed an attitude adjustment, and I didn't always have a proper perspective toward my work situation.

When your perspective is on Who has asked something of you, rather than what has been asked of you, your attitude toward the work may change, no matter how menial a task may be. People in love will do things that aren't necessarily their favorite or first choice, simply because the object of their love asked it of them. In the same way, children who adore their parents will happily do favors and chores for them simply because it is their mother or father who asks such things of them. When Naaman took his focus off of the 'what,' and focused it on the 'why' and the 'who,' he quickly changed his mind about washing in the river.

On my last day of work, I look back and consider my time in this office and realize that I could have used this same change of perspective many times over this past year. Though it is now too late to change how I thought of this job and what I did with my time here I have learned a valuable life lesson. From here on out I will do well to remember that the 'Who' is more important than the 'what.' With that perspective in mind, every kind of work is important and significant so long as it is God who has asked it of me.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

BONUS:
A totally applicable quote from Miss Susan Cagley:

"WHO are you doing WHAT you are doing for?"

"so that you will not be sluggish"

2011-04-27T09:06:00.005-04:00

Hebrews 6:11-12

"And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you will not be sluggish, but immitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."

These two verses are inspiring/motivating upon first reading them; however, after giving them a second thought I was struck by how truly counter-cultural they really are. The concepts of perseverance and diligence are almost laughable in our culture of laziness and immediate gratification. Faith and patience are also unnatural. We are more inclined to try to have things figured out on our own so we don't have to depend on others. We are more inclined to be impatient and to get tired of waiting.

". . . diligence . . . to realize the full assurance of hope until the end . . ." This is a journey for the long haul, a fight to the death. It is not a one day battle, a momentary victory that lasts forever, but a continuous struggle. It is no wonder that few find the narrow way that leads to life. The broad way is surely more appealing and easier to navigate.

Perseverance of the saints then becomes such an important doctrine. Only those genuinely saved by the grace of God will have the will to persevere to the end, no matter the trials or tribulations that may come.

Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps

2011-04-26T12:46:00.013-04:00

Read this article today and--though he is an unbeliever--the dude made a good point or two.

Favorite quote?

"Friends bow to peer pressure. Parents say, "No, and that's the end of it."

The way I see it, my son can go to therapy later if my strict rules have scarred him. But I have peace knowing he'll be able to afford therapy as an adult because I didn't allow him to wear or do whatever he wanted as a kid."

Read the full article HERE.

Let's get off this bus before it's too late

2011-04-14T10:40:00.015-04:00

I read an article called "Tinseltown is on a Mission to Sexualize Young Girls" this morning. The title speaks for itself, but the article provides a stunningly clear picture of the problem and the affects this reality is having on young people. It chilled me. It made me angry. I challenge you to read the article, though it's not for the faint of heart.

Bottom line? We need a wake up call in this country - and believers most of all. For too long we have allowed worldly philosophies and values to permeate our thoughts and our lives. We have come to think like the world because we fill our minds with her messages. Her media, her movies, her music. We scarcely give it a second thought as we passively let her godless philosophies seep into our lives through the movies we watch and the music we listen to.

But those who profess Christ Jesus as Savior and Lord must be thinking men and women. We must carefully evaluate what we see and hear, and hold it up to the light of truth, the Word of God. If it doesn't measure up to Scripture, it must be rejected and discarded. There should be no second thought, no compromise. If it isn't "true... honorable... right... pure... lovely... of good repute... excellent... worthy of praise..." it isn't worth our time.

We cannot afford to be careless because worldy philosophies can and do affect us, and -- as this article points out -- they affect our children. Pay attention! Our society is on a one-way bus trip to destruction and devastation, and it's taking us with it. Though the driver and passengers will be sure to point out the wonderful sights along the way, beware! They will speak all day long of the glories of the destination, trying to indoctrinate you with their depravity. That is the way of the world; she will never stop to take a break.

But we don't have to tolerate it. We don't have to listen to her lies, and we don't have to go where that bus is going. Take a look around. It's sobering, isn't it? Let's get off this bus before it's too late, and let's take as many people with us as we can.

"Those who are willing to save our children from those who are filling their minds with toxic garbage must be willing to turn back the clock to a time when America still had a moral compass--when young women were valued for more than just their bodies. There's no other choice. It's do, or die."

Do you sense the urgency? The "moral compass" the author speaks of came from the Christian values that used to dominate the worldview of this nation. Our only hope to stand once again is through replacing the lies and philosophies of the world with the truth and authority of Scripture. We must saturate our minds, our hearts, and our lives with the Word of God. We must read it, study it, treasure it!

Only fools imagine having an ability to avoid worldly indoctrination apart from knowing the Word of God. The world will never cease to tell you her lies, and we cannot afford to be Christian couch-potatoes who passively listen while failing to ceaselessly fill our minds with truth. This is a war, and every day is a battle! We must put on the armor of God and take up "the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God" if we are to survive! With the weapon of the Word, we can cut through the false teachings of the world, "to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, stand firm." If you are not willing to take up the sword and to wield it, you will be cut down. Oh Christian, take up your sword today! Read the Word of God and live!

responding to rebuke

2011-04-13T09:10:00.014-04:00

I struggled to focus this morning as I settled in for my quiet time. In an effort to regroup my thoughts I abandoned my regular reading and turned to Proverbs 13. Maybe reading a few short proverbs would release me from wandering thoughts and the pervasive tiredness that plagued me.

It worked. In reading the chapter, I observed a couple of themes. Responding to rebuke, instruction, discipline, counsel, occupied the most of my thoughts. Over and over this topic came up.

Verse 1: "A wise son acceots his father's discipline, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."

Verse 10: "Through insolence comes nothing but strife, but wisdom is with those who receive counsel."

Verse 13: "The one who despises the word will be in debt to it, but the one who fears the commandment will be rewarded."

Verse 18: "Poverty and shame will come to him who neglects discipline, but he who regards reproof will be honored."

Verse 24: "He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently."

Many principles may be gleaned from these words, and they were fresh to me as I considered a conversation I had with a friend the other night. For clarity's sake, it is enough to know that I had gently confronted this friend about something they had repeatedly said in a joking or sarcastic manner, non-malisciously poking fun at a certain group of people.

My concern was twofold:

Suppose someone from this particular group of people happened to hear what was said. How would that make them feel? Would they be edified? Encouraged?

What is the underlying motive for saying such things? Is it purely for personal enjoyment/amusement? Even if it is simply a joke, innocent of any intention to harm, is it necessary or beneficial? Does it encourage and edify those with whom it is shared?

Sometimes I fail to articulate well, and I fear this may have been the case the other night as I expressed these concerns. The bottom line is that I have great respect for this friend, and such joking comments appear to me unbecoming of their character.

As I read the proverbs above, I considered my friend's reaction to my gentle rebuke. Most of us respond to rebuke defensively. We are quick to explain ourselves and to provide reasons or excuses for our behavior and our speech. Our pride demands that others think highly of us, and the moment we hear otherwise we seek to change that and justify ourselves in the eyes of men.

But reread those verses above. Wisdom demands humility. Wisdom demands receiving instruction, counsel, rebuke, and even discipline with grace. If we desire wisdom, and the blessings that come with it, we are to listen to and accept rebuke.

When you really think about it, as I did this morning, you will acknowledge that this is not easy to do, and that it is not really the culturally or socially acceptable response to rebuke. In our individualistic, do-what-feels-right, absolute-truth-lacking world, the appropriate response to rebuke is to stand up for yourself and your rights. After all, who has the right to tell you what to do or how to live? Isn't that up to you?

As noted, this comes back to pride. We think of ourselves too highly, and we downplay our own depravity and sin.

By the grace of God, my meditation this morning turned toward evaluating my own responses to rebuke. How good it is to be reminded of our own weakness! Probably 98% of the time my response to correction is to defend or explain myself so that my actions might somehow appear justified. It's true. I am a prideful little sinner, with much room to grow.

It is better, and wiser by far, to embrace correction. This should especially be true of rebuke and instruction that is offered in genuine love. Proverbs 27:6 says "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy." The best friends, genuine friends, will correct you when necessary. Instead of getting defensive, we ought to thank those who care enough to rebuke us. They do so because they love us.

With some reservation, I am praying that God will help me to grow in this area of graciously accepting correction. I say reservation because growth will likely require being rebuked and corrected a few times over, and having to swallow some pride.

But love and a desire to restore always accompanies biblical correction and rebuke (see Galatians 6:1 and verse 24 above, among other passages). Friends, I challenge you to evaluate your habits of correction and rebuke. Do they demonstrate genuine love for the brethren? Evaluate the way you respond when others correct and rebuke you. Are you gracious and humble, or are you defensive and proud? Let's not read what the Word has to say about such things and fail to live them out. Let's be doers of the Word, and not hearers only!

With that in mind, I welcome the loving correction of brothers and sisters in Christ and pray that God may grant me the grace to respond wisely when it comes.

in my own tongue

2011-04-06T10:56:00.014-04:00

I wept as I watched this video today. It documents the Kimyal Tribe of Western Papua, Indonesia celebrating as they received the New Testament in their own language. It moved me to see believers rejoicing over the Word of God! What a precious gift it is to have the Scripture in your own language.

My heart also broke as I watched and heard their prayers. These children of God do not have much, but their passion and zeal for God and His Word are great. In the remotest of places they praise Him for what He has done for them. Can I say the same? Can you?

How many of us have had access to the entire Scriptures all our lives and yet fail to read it? How many of us take it for granted, thinking little (if ever) of the very spoken Word of God? What are we doing with the myriads of resources and study tools that we have available? Are we good stewards of all that God has given? On the last day, when we stand before our Maker and give an account, will He say "Well done, good and faithful slave... enter into the joy of your Master" ? Or will we be like the worthless slave, thrown out into utter darkness?

Watch the video. Consider these things. Ask yourself what you are doing with the Word of God and the gifts He has given you.

Fed up with Feminism

2011-03-29T09:14:00.014-04:00

For the past several years (since studying out the God-designed roles of men and women as found in Scripture in a couple of my core college classes) I have become increasingly irritated by the feministic movement and the affect it has had on society as a whole. Feminism confuses gender roles (among other things), and the consequences are drastic.

I have been accumulating and reading books and articles that speak to this issue of gender role-confusion, and the more I read, the more my frustration has turned to anger. The Christian conservatives out there aren't the only ones talking; even secular authors, comedians, columnists, and psychologists recognize that there is a problem.

It's a problem that most people feel in some way or another. We are all affected by it, and many left unsatisfied by its emptiness, but most can't quite place, define, or recognize the root of it all. Secular authors try to pinpoint the philosophies behind the feministic movement and their social and psychological impact on people, but they miss the Biblical foundation for who we are and what we were made for as men and women created in God's image.

One thing we need is more education. People need to know where the problems really came from and why they have made such a mess out of love, marriage, and family that leaves us ultimately unsatisfied with the way things are. When we can pinpoint the underlying problems, and what makes them problems in the first place, there is hope for change.

Only an understanding of our God-given roles as men and women will answer the questions of why our current gender-role problems exist. Only an acceptance of those God-given roles will move us toward to a solution. Such an acceptance demands a significant shift in worldview, a change in the way we see and think about ourselves and the world around us. Obviously, this kind of change is not necessarily salvific.

A worldview shift alone doesn't promise to reverse all the problems caused by our sin and its consequences. Unless that shift is toward a Biblical worldview, with an understanding and embracing of the gospel, it offers little more than a band-aid to fix the problems caused by feminism and gender role-confusion.

Real, lasting change and rescue from our desperate condition can only come by the grace of God through regeneration, redemption, and sanctification. We must own the fact that God is holy and that we as sinners have rebelled against Him. We are the cause of our miserable state, and the ultimate consequence of our failures to live up to His holiness is eternal separation from God. We deserve nothing less than the wrath of Almighty God.

Ephesians 2 provides a nice summary of the situation and the solution:

"...you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formally walked according to the course of this world... But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)... For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."

Ephesians 1 tells us that in Christ those who believe on Him have

"...redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us... In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation--having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise..."

This kind of transition, from death to life, is the real shift that must take place in an individual if true hope is to be realized. Without Christ, there is no hope for change.

Though we may readily admit this, we cannot forget that those of us who have been saved must also remain rooted and grounded in truth. Believing men and woman must know God's Word and what He has to say about our respective genders and roles if we wish to stand up against the pressures of the world and its lies.

Lack of Biblical literacy makes it far too easy to believe and casually accept whatever lies our world tells us. In such cases, the prevailing and accepted worldviews around us (what we likely hear/see most often) undoubtedly shape and influence our own. That shouldn't be surprising. Without a knowledge of the truth, we cannot expect to recognize what is false when we see or hear it.

"Pray Until You Pray"

2011-03-12T20:38:00.009-05:00

My church is reading through D. A. Carson's "A Call to Spiritual Reformation" for Sunday school. Subtitled "Priorities from Paul and His Prayers," the book focuses on developing a biblical prayer life that models the practices and priorities demonstrated in Paul's prayers.

In the first chapter, Carson gives several basic pointers for establishing a regular prayer life. One concept I thought particularly helpful: "Pray until you pray."

As Carson explains, the Puritans used to give each other this advice.

"What they meant is that Christians should pray long enough and honestly enough, at a single session, to get past the feeling of formalism and unreality that attends not a little praying. We are especially prone to such feelings when we pray for only a few minutes, rushing to be done with a mere duty. To enter the spirit of prayer, we must stick to it for a while. If we "pray until we pray," eventually we will come to delight in God's presence, to rest in his love, to cherish his will. Even in dark or agonized praying, we somehow know we are doing business with God. In short, we discover a little of what Jude means when he exhorts his readers to "pray in the Holy Spirit" (Jude 20)--which presumably means it is treacherously possible to pray not in the Spirit."

He also said that

"If some generations need to learn that God is not particularly impressed by long-winded prayers, and is not more disposed to help us just because we are garrulous, our generation needs to learn that God is not impressed by the kind of brevity that is nothing other than culpable negligence. He is not more disposed to help us because our insincerity and spiritual flightiness conspire to keep our prayers brief."

I pondered the point he was making and had to agree. Many times our prayers, mine included, are brief and insincere. We are not practiced in prayer, and thus it feels unnatural to us. When we do pray we hurry to finish in order to escape the awkwardness we feel while at it.

This should not be. Prayer is absolutely essential for fellowship with God and for spiritual growth and sanctification.

As I continued reading, I considered my own need to become more seasoned in prayer and made a mental note to make this a priority in my own life. But before I reached the end of the "pray until you pray" section of the book I found myself struck with sadness and shame. Carson's final illustrative point on the matter hit me like a punch in the gut.

"The Puritans... exhorted one another to "pray until you pray." ...in the Western world we urgently need this advice, for many of us in our praying are like nasty little boys who ring front door bells and run away before anyone answers."

Ouch. I certainly do not want this to be true of my prayer life. On the one hand, it would be easy to dismiss this point, thinking that this illustration is too harsh or too base to match the kinds of prayers that I pray. I am tempted to think, "That's not the way I pray..." or "He's talking about other people there, not me..." But in all honesty, I think this calls for serious evaluation of my prayer life.

Is it weird to spend time before God in prayer about the condition of my prayer life? I think I'm going to...

Love and stuff

2011-02-18T08:58:00.014-05:00

I recently had a conversation with someone about communicating love to others by what we say and do. As believers, we are called to love. Not many would argue that, but as my conversation revealed, confusion and differing interpretations still exist for just how we ought to demonstrate that Christian love.

Feeling a sense of love for someone and actually communicating it to them are two distinct things. I'm sure many of us have experienced that gap at some point or another. We struggle to demonstrate outwardly what we feel on the inside, and we feel the frustration of knowing that a special individual really does love us, but just isn't very good at conveying it all the time. Why the disconnect between heart and hands, between heart and head?

Part of the difficulty is that people communicate love in different ways. Gary Chapman wrote a book based on this very principle, The 5 Love Languages, in which he details the five primary ways people communicate love: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touch. I won't rewrite the book here, but it is a helpful concept.

Here is just one possible example of love languages played out (if you've already read the book or are familiar with the concept of love languages feel free to skip the next couple paragraphs):

I might feel most loved when you tell me that you love me (words of affirmation). But maybe words don't really mean a whole lot to you, and instead you show love by doing stuff for me (acts of service). Thus, every time you do something for me you are sincerely demonstrating a heartfelt love. Unfortunately, if I don't hear you verbally tell me that you love and appreciate me, I may not feel loved, despite all your efforts. In a similar fashion, I could tell you all day long that I love you, but if I never do anything for you to show it, my words don't go very far in communicating that love to you in a way that you can really feel it.

Add to the mix the fact that people often have more than one love language and you've got another layer of challenge to work through. On top of that, people often give and receive love in two completely different languages. Maybe I feel most loved when you tell me that you love me (words of affirmation), but I demonstrate my love for you by doing things for you (acts of service). With five different love languages, you can see how things get pretty complex.

But as I talked with my friend and considered the demonstration of love in light of Scripture, I kept coming to the conclusion that all this complexity isn't the real issue that makes communicating love such a tricky thing.

To cut right to it, the real issue is our own selfishness. We think more about ourselves than we do about others. We want to feel loved more than we want to make others feel loved. But real, genuine love is not just that warm and fuzzy feeling. Genuine love is a choice, and it is costly.

In His sermon on the mount, Jesus presented many radical lifestyle concepts, including a call to love in action that isn't exactly mainstream (Matthew 5:43-48). He said, "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" and asked "if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?" Hmmm.... suddenly this whole love thing doesn't seem so warm and fuzzy after all. In the same passage, Christ sets the bar of obedience high, saying "be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect." Eeesh! I certainly have a long way to go!

So what does perfect love look like? I could reference the all-important "love chapter" (1 Corinthians 13), but I wouldn't want you to think I'm just being cliche. If you want an idea of where you're love life is and how you might need to grow, by all means read it and compare your love to its list of attributes. It's an excellent reality check that we should often return to, and if the standard is perfection then I have my work cut out for me.

But when I thought of love while conversing with my friend, and as I have continued to meditate on it since, my mind has come to rest on One Individual - the greatest example of love - Jesus Christ. There wasn't a particular verse or passage that stuck in my mind, just Christ. Christ, and the cross. His cross.

That is love. It is self-sacrificing, and it is costly. It puts the object of its affections first, and considers their needs above its own, not just once or twice, but always. Christ's love took Him to the cross. It cost Him His very life, and if we claim to follow Him, we are fools to think that love will demand any less from us. Genuine love may cost us everything we have.

In light of that, it's no wonder we struggle to communicate love to one another in legitimate ways. In even my most unselfish moments I am not free from self-interest. Rarely do we do things for people that really don't benefit us in any way, shape or form and actually cost us something. More often we tend to do things that cost us a little time, effort, or money, but still benefit us in the end. Or we say or share something for the benefit of another, as long as it doesn't cost us much. With the standard being perfection, I fall far short.

My quiet time this morning stirred my mind once again in this area of self-sacrifice and others-focus. In reading 1 Corinthians 8, I was convicted by Paul's willingness to lay down his personal rights and freedoms for the sake of another. At the end of the chapter he says, quite simply, "Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble." Just like that, he was willing to give up meat and change his entire lifestyle for the benefit of a brother. No hesitation. No questions. Clearly, Paul was more concerned about the needs of his brother than any personal cost or inconvenience.

As I consider the real-life implications of such love I am both challenged and comforted. Christ has gone before, and He does not ask me to go anywhere that He Himself has not been. Yes, the cost is great - "He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren" (1 John 3:16) - but the motivation is far greater - "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

The Hermeneutical Spiral... logically

2011-02-17T10:59:00.007-05:00

When we write a letter, or a paper, or a note, or a journal entry, we are communicating or recording information and concepts that have specific meanings. As such, we chose words that best represent the ideas we want to share and to convey to our audience. Though the final product may be interpreted in a variety of ways by different readers, most generally start with the assumption that the author did in fact have a specific meaning or message in mind as they wrote.

Let's assume, in a similar fashion, that when the authors of Scripture wrote, they were trying to communicate an actual specific message to their audience. Better yet, let's imagine that God actually had a specific message He was trying to communicate through the human authors when He spoke by them through His Spirit. Let's not assume that this meaning is open to interpretation. I think these are fair and fairly non-relativistic assumptions.

Now, let's assume that (given the above arguments) we, as readers, ought to seek to understand that specific meaning when we read a passage of Scripture. We are human. We have limited understanding and limited knowledge. Therefore, when we read a passage, let's also assume we can't truly grasp the perfect meaning in a single, simple reading.

In fact, not only are we limited, but our understanding of Scripture is colored by what we ourselves bring to the text each time we read:

previous understandings of theology/doctrine
Cultural assumptions/worldviews
moods/emotions
experiences
philosophy/worldview

Each of these (and many more factors), influence the way we understand and interpret passages of Scripture as we read them. As serious and honest students of the Word, we must take these things into account, recognizing that we are not free from bias as we approach each text.

If you have read and re-read much Scripture, you have probably experienced the phenomena of seeing things in a familiar text that you never noticed before in previous readings. This experience, of course, does not result from a change in the text itself. Most of us take for granted that each new detail we happen to notice was actually there all along. In other words, they didn't miraculously appear on the page sometime since the last time we read it. The argument may seem silly, but if the text didn't change, why do we see continue to see new details as we re-read it?

The answer is that we, the readers, change. Life experiences, personal growth, newly acquired knowledge, relationships... we are affected on multiple levels. Each time we read a particular passage, we are a slightly (or drastically) different person than we were before. In fact, even the simple practice of reading a passage of Scripture changes us and our understanding of it. Thus, when we return for a second reading of the same passage, we are actually a different individual than we were the first time we read it, even if the changes are miniscule.

The Hermeneutical Spiral says that the more times a person reads a specific passage of Scripture, the closer they come to a (theoretical) perfect understanding of it.

Each time an individual reads a text, they learn from and are changed by it. They bring this learning and this change to every future reading of the text. Though the text itself doesn't change, the reader notices more details with each subsequent reading as they continue to learn from and be changed by the text. This process of learning and change brings the individual closer and closer to a theoretical perfect understanding of the text the more they read and re-read it.

Of course, in order for this process to work, the reader must be open and teachable as they seek the specific meaning of a given passage. They must begin with the assumptions at the beginning of this post, since simply interpreting the text based on preconcieved notions and ideas will skew the reader's perception of the its content and meaning. Instead, readers must approach the text with a recognition of the personal biases they may carry, and a willingness to set them aside. This attitude allows the text to speak for itself and brings the reader closer to the author's intended message.

If all that makes logical sense, and is indeed true, then serious students of the Word ought to take note. A better understanding of the Bible may always be just one more read away, and for those of us who truly desire to know Him and His Word, this provides more than enough motivation to pick up and read that passage "just one more time."

Hebrews - Stuck on the first 4

2011-02-16T11:06:00.006-05:00

I'm taking Hebrews as my free class this semester. One thing our admirable professor has required of us is to read and re-read the text in its entirety. Each week as part of our homework so far we have had to read chapters 1-8 in one sitting. This is all part of an effort to enforce what he calls the hermeneutical spiral.... which I'm now thinking I shall have to blog about very soon... and to develop in us a better understanding of the text as a whole.

I love it. Having read Hebrews more times in the past month than I had previously in my entire life, I find I am definitely coming to a firmer grasp of what I initially found to be it's challenging concepts.

This morning, as I began my reading of the text, I found myself stuck on 1:1-4. Since this has happened to me several times over the past few weeks, I decided it was worth taking a few moments to blog about it.

Why am I getting stuck on the first 4 verses? Well, because I've been exercising the Bible reading principles I discussed in an earlier blog where I asked "What would happen if I really believed God's Word is true?" As I've been reading the book of Hebrews, I've sought to apply this principle. Each time I go to the text, I give myself a mental pep-talk, chanting things like, "This is true, this is true," and "Naomi, what you are about to read is absolute truth." Having that kind of attitude really helps me sit up and pay attention rather than mindlessly blaze through the text week after week.

And that's precisely why I keep getting caught on the first 4 verses my friends. When I read that God spoke in time past through the prophets and that He has now spoken to us through His Son I am amazed! The very God of the universe, Almighty, Infinite, Transcendent, was concerned enough with His creation to condescend and speak to us. When I consider what an unworthy sinner I am in light of His majesty and holiness, being ignored and rejected makes more sense. But the God of my imagination is not the God of the Bible!

Please! Take just a few moments to read it and you'll see what I mean.

No, not only did He speak to us through prophets, reaching down into the lives of men to make Himself known to them, but He sent His only Son to live among us, and ultimately to die on our behalf. His Son, through whom He made all things, the radiance of His glory and the very representation of His nature. Wow! That is something incredibly special.

Meditating on that for even a few minutes should impact the way you think about having a personal relationship with God. He has gone through great lengths to speak to us, to me. Are we, am I, listening? In all honesty, any person who put forth such efforts to communicate and have a relationship with me would probably have my undivided attention. That kind of interest would make me feel incredibly special, valued, and honored, and in light of that I would probably want to hear whatever it was they had to say to me.

Let me challenge you friends. If you are a born-again believer, chosen by God, then He wants a personal and intimate relationship with you. He has given you His Word that He might speak to you and reveal Himself through it. Don't dishonor the cost of Christ's blood by ignoring Him. Read your Bible. Read it like it's truth. And may you grow in your love for Him as you grow in your knowledge of Him through the reading of His Word. I know I have.

with great sadness.... and expectation

2011-02-15T12:36:00.010-05:00

My heart is a little heavy just now. That may have something to do with the fact that I just e-mailed the Program Coordinator at Jerusalem University College, asking her to withdraw me from the program for Fall 2011. Please observe with me brief moment of silence.

. . . . . . .

It may seem abrupt, but this action was indeed a long time in coming. While slowly working toward paying off school loans this year, reality set in. That reality? After picking up a part-time job and spending the next couple years of my life working 60-ish hours per week, Lord willing I would be able to call myself debt free. Reality check: studying at JUC for just one year would land me in even more loan debt than I was in after 4 years of undergrad at BBC. Ugh.

Something about working myself half to death to pay off loans only to turn around and take out a bigger loan than ever leaves a bad taste in my mouth. At least it would if I weren't chewing Trident Original right now.... but I digress.

Admittedly, lack of success in finding a worthwhile part-time job contributed to this decision. At the rate I am currently able to make payments, it will be about 5 years before my loans are entirely paid off. In 5 years, am I really going to want to take out more loans to go back to school? After that long am I going to want to go back to school at all? With each passing year, it seems more and more distant.

Add to that the fact that one huge motivator in pursuing more education has been stewardship. God has gifted me academically and linguistically and I am convinced that is my Christian duty and responsibility to use those gifts for His glory. In my current situation, academics and linguistics remain marginalized, a sort of afterthought in my existence. To one day have a job where I'm paid to read, study, and teach the Word of God, using these gifts vocationally, would be an absolute dream-come-true! Is putting off an education toward that end in order to pay off loans better stewardship? The answer to that question is complex. Stewardship of what? Time? Money? Gifts? Paying off loans first might demonstrate a better stewardship of money, but stewardship of time and gifts has me leaning towards going back to school sooner rather than later, debt-free or not.

In the midst of such considerations, God has been at work in my life. The more I come to know Him through His Word, the more I love Him. The more I love Him, the more I desire to know Him and to be in His Word. It is a constant cycle of seeking Him through the Word, finding Him, marvelling as He opens my eyes and grants me greater understanding, and then returning with renewed hunger and thirst to the Word that I might know Him still more and more. It is true what they say: the more you know you know, the more you know you don't know. As my relationship with God and my understanding of His Word matures, I recognize how much I have to learn! That and an ever growing desire to know God more deeply continues to nudge me in the direction of more education. But if not JUC, then where?

Earlier this week I sent in my application for an M.Div in Biblical and Theological Studies at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. Without going into too much detail, I chose to apply to this particular program at this particular institute for several reasons. Recommendations from key friends and individuals proved highly influential in the process. On top of that, I had heard good things about SBTS during my undergrad, I have connections with people who are already students there, and it is a well-respected academic institute with a large and scholarly faculty. A final and major contributing factor: the incredibly affordable tuition rate.

I could go on to share what I have been learning about God's direction in the life of the believer and the centrality of the glory of God in all things, but I think it's best if I save those for another post as I have much to say on this matter. It sufficeth to say that I want to pursue more education for the right reasons. Let going to SBTS and pursuing this degree be for the glory of God alone. May it not be simply to ease the restlessness I feel in present circumstances, or to provide the intellectual stimulation I crave, or to maintain some sense of security by surrounding myself with familiar people and experiences that I can take refuge in. I want my motive to be the glory of God in all things. If going back to school is not going to bring Him the most glory in and through my life I want no part of it.... but more on that later.

Facebook Envy

2011-02-14T15:44:00.008-05:00

This short article from the her.meneutics blog for women on ChristianityToday.com is well worth the read I think:

"Facebook Envy on Valentine's Day"

A Great Way to Start February

2011-02-01T08:32:00.009-05:00

When I woke up this morning, the warmth and coziness of my bed seemed more welcoming than usual. Content, I lay underneath heavily layered sheets and quilts, gazing at the dimly lit room and praying through my day before getting up.

Somehow, in the midst of throwing off my covers, standing to my feet, and walking across the room to my dresser I remembered they were calling for some snow overnight - possibly enough to warrant a 2 hour delay or even a cancellation at the college. With as much gusto as one can muster in their waking moments, I flew to my laptop and turned it on.

Poor thing. It's almost 5 years old and slower than dirt. (Mac owners don't be hating or laughing here.) In the ten minutes or so that it takes a 5-year-old Toshiba Satellite to wake up, I waited patiently, sipping water and trying not to wake up. If there was a delay, or a cancellation, my bed and I would be reunited and it would feel so good.

In patient anticipation, I opened my browser and typed in the school's web address into the search bar. Any delay or cancellation would be posted there. Without getting my hopes up, I stared at the page, watching element after element appear as the site continued to load.

There it was.... NEWS.... I gazed for a moment at the sight, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.... There was nothing. No cancellation. No delay. I refreshed the page. Still nothing.

Oh well, I guess God wants me at work today, right?

Now 15 minutes behind in my morning ritual, I headed back to my dresser to put my contacts in. First the right, then the left. Blink, blink, blink. As I looked around at my blurry room, it was obvious that something wasn't right. Great! Somehow my right contact hadn't made it into my eye after all. I searched the floor, the dresser, the floor again, and the dresser again before giving up the efforts. I don't have time for this.

Now 20 minutes behind I popped in a brand new contact and immediately saw the missing one sitting naked on my dresser, next to the contacts case. Grrrr. How did I miss that? Frustrated, I threw the old one away. It would have lasted another couple weeks at least, but it was too late for that.

I grabbed my stuff and headed for the shower. By the time I got out I had just enough time to grab a bite to eat and head out the door. That would give me a good 20 minutes to clean off my car and get to work (about 10 minutes away). If the car wasn't too covered or too icy, I would even be able to stop and pick up a coffee on my way to work.

Motivated, despite the lack of a delay or cancellation and the contact lens mishap, I bundled up and headed outside. After setting my stuff down on the passenger seat and grabbing my snow scraper tool, I started the car to get the heat and the defrost going. A couple swishes of the wipers to clean off the windshield and I was ready to tackle the rest of the car.

With an air of cheer in the damp winter morning I pressed the unlock button and closed the door. Racing around the car, I managed to clear the couple inches of heavy snow in under 5 minutes, spurred on by the anticipation of a hot cup of coffee joining me to kick off my work day. Satisfied, I took a step back to admire my work before climbing into the car with just enough time to stop for that liquid wonder and make it to work on time.

That is, I would have had just enough time..... if my car wasn't locked....

My heart sank. There were my keys - just a few feet from me, just dangling in the ignition - but I was helpless to do anything. For good measure, I tried every door and peered 2 or 3 times through the windows to confirm and reconfirm that the doors were in fact locked. The realization that it was only 7:45 in the morning and that my best friend happened to have my only spare set of keys with him on campus hit me like a punch in the gut.

Reluctantly, but with no other choice, I called him. I knew I would be waking him up, but I also prayed that he didn't have his cell on alarm only mode or something. Ring, ring, ring. Mixed emotions. I don't want to wake you up, but please answer... The alternative was letting my car just sit and run for who knows how long and being ridiculously late to work. Ring, ring, ring.

"Hello....?"

"Hi.... can I ask you to do me a really big favor.....?"

Our 3-minute conversation felt much longer. He was on his way, but I felt like an absolute moron. Not only that, but I just felt awful that he had to wake up and drive through the icky weather just to push a magic button on a key ring and unlock my car.

At this point, it started to rain/sleet. Perfect. Just perfect. I spent the next 15 minutes or so fighting back tears and continually scraping the windows of my car, where the morning's precipitation was beginning to stick and freeze. I hate winter... Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! A few times I ran into the garage, just to warm up my frozen fingers. From there I could keep an eye out for my friend.

In such circumstances, 15 minutes can feel like a lifetime, but before long, in a somewhat anticlimactic manner, my hero showed up, pushed the magic little unlock button, and I was able to get into my car.

Words can't really describe all that I was feeling at the moment. Sure I was embarrassed, but mostly I just felt stupid and felt absolutely awful that I had to wake him up. When he came I just wanted to run and give him the biggest hug and thank him a-million-and-one times, but somehow it didn't seem appropriate at 8:00 in the morning. I thanked him, he smiled, we said a few things that I don't even remember now, and then he headed back to campus, with me not far behind.

So, not exactly the way I wanted to start my morning, or my February for that matter, but that's what I got. It would be so easy to let this ruin my day, but I think by this point I'm pretty much over it. Stuff happens, you move on.

Although I can't really think of any purpose for going through all that in one morning, I smile, knowing that God causes all things to work together for my good - for making me more like Christ.

Besides, with a morning like that behind me, the rest of my February is looking pretty fantastic already! =D

You Alone Can Rescue

2011-01-14T12:25:00.003-05:00

Heard this song today and was moved as I listened to the lyrics:

Who, O Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea,
Your grace is deeper still. (2x)

You alone can rescue, You alone can save,
You alone can lift us from the grave.
You came down to find us, led us out of death.
To You alone belongs the highest praise.

You, O Lord, have made a way.
The great divide you heal.
For when our hearts were far away
Your love went further still.
Yes, Your love goes further still.

You alone can rescue, You alone can save,
You alone can lift us from the grave.
You came down to find us, led us out of death.
To You alone belongs the highest praise. (2x)

To You alone belongs the highest praise.
To You alone belongs the highest praise.

We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes,
You're the Giver of Life.
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes,
You're the Giver of Life. (4x)

You alone can rescue, You alone can save,
You alone can lift us from the grave.
You came down to find us, led us out of death.
To You alone belongs the highest praise.
To You alone belongs the highest praise.
To You alone belongs the highest praise.

Copyright, 2009. Matt Redman.

Dead End to a Miracle

2011-01-02T13:32:00.013-05:00

Closing my eyes, I imagine myself in the cool evening air of a desert wilderness. The last few rays of sunshine are beginning to fade into the night as my people and I approach the seashore. We are tired from our trek through the sands, and the children with us grew restless hours ago. With nowhere further to go at the moment, we look to our leader waiting expectantly for the command to set up camp for the night.

I stare at the tower of flame that has gone before us this whole time, and wonder to myself. What incredible things I have seen these past days! I find myself lost in thought as I gaze at the ceaseless flame, its rolling and cracking tongues dancing in the crisp air. But murmurs spreading throughout the crowd interrupt my caravan of thought and jolt me back to reality. Something is not right.

Watching and listening to the people around me, I recognize a state of panic. From the back of the camp comes word that an army has been seen along the western horizon, silhouetted against the sunset. The Egyptians are coming for us. We are trapped!

What must it have been like for the Israelites that night? They had left everything behind for freedom in the promised land, yet at the very start of their journey they already found themselves trapped, pinned in. Dead end. They had followed the LORD and He had led them to a dead end. What was He thinking? What was He doing?

It is easy to be critical of the Israelites. After all the wonders they had seen in Egypt, after all of the plagues, how could they doubt the ability of the LORD? Surely the God who destroyed the powerful nation of Egypt before their eyes could free His people from the desperate situation they now found themselves in at the Red Sea.

In the past, the reaction of the Israelites surprised me. They cry out to Moses, asking whether it was better to die in the wilderness or to die back in Egypt. Bitter? Ungrateful? But don't miss the fact that before this, they first cried out to the LORD. Easy to overlook the first time.

Honestly though, what stood out to me more than that this time was the fact that I am just like the Israelites. Currently I find myself in a situation where I feel as though I have been backed into a corner and have no clear direction where to go next. It seems obvious that God has brought me here, yet as I wait for further guidance I repeatedly question His purposes in bringing me here in the first place. Just what exactly is He trying to accomplish? What is the point of moving me away from one set of circumstances without providing all the stability necessary for the next? What are you doing God?

Haha, yep. Seems I fit right into the role of the Israelites in this tale. It's a little humbling, but I think I'm ok with that, because the best part is what happens next. Despite their doubt and their fear, God intervenes, carrying out His plan as He always intended it. Bringing them into the wilderness and a "dead end" by the Red Sea was no accident. God brought them there to glorify Himself. After 10 plagues in Egypt, He still had one more thing to show them.

And it's a good thing to, because the text seems to reveal that neither the Egyptians nor the Israelites were quite convinced of God's absolute power and sovereignty yet. Though their nation was in ruins, the Egyptians still ventured out to pursue the Israelites. Freed from slavery after witnessing the devastation of the plagues, the Israelites still demonstrated doubts in the God of their Fathers.

But God's purposes were accomplished that day. By the end of the ordeal both the Egyptians and the Israelites recognized the power of the LORD, and feared Him.

I don't know God's plan in my circumstances, but I am confident that He will glorify Himself through them. He will reveal Himself and His purpose will be accomplished in spite of me and my fears. With this in mind, I wait expectantly to see what comes next and what "Red Sea" He might take me through.

"I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus"

2010-12-20T12:46:00.004-05:00

Reading Philippians for my quiet time this morning reminded me of a number of truths worth cherishing, and even found me considering some passages from a different angle than ever before.

For example, when Paul writes in chapter 3 that he counts "all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord," he is actually speaking of saving faith. I say that because right before this he speaks of all the reasons he has for putting confidence in the flesh. In human terms, he had more right than most to think he was alright before God, but he admits that all that was worthless in light of the salvation that is found in Christ. I guess I always considered this "knowing Christ" idea as how a believer might grow in a deeper knowledge of Christ, becoming more intimate with Him through the process of sanctification. While Paul does seem to have this growing relationship in mind, it seems clear that he is referring to saving faith, of "knowing Christ" in a salvific sense. The surrounding verses really lend themselves to that conclusion.

Soon after, Paul writes that he presses on to "lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus." The phrase "I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus" just gripped me. I belong to Him. He has laid hold of me, and He is never letting go. What comfort and joy I have found in meditating on that truth this morning! I am reminded of John 10, where Christ speaks of being the Good Shepherd, of knowing and protecting His own, and where He makes the statement that "no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand" (verse 28). It was great comfort to me to remind myself over and over again of that truth this morning. My salvation has been secured by the Father through the Son. It is permanent. What have I to fear? My position in Him is secure and eternal. "I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus."

There is much more in the book of Philippians that served to edify and encourage me this morning, but I will share one last thing:

The familiar verse "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" was a timely reminder. In the midst of making all kinds of decisions and facing all kinds of change and uncertainty, it is good to be reminded that Christ, the one who conquered death, provides me the strength for all things. Context reveals that this was Paul's secret to contentedness. Meditating on the fact that my strength for all things and for every circumstance comes from Christ Himself really leaves no opportunity for discontent. When I am truly aware of this fact, and understand what it means to have the power of the Savior on my side, there is nothing that can shake me. No circumstance, no uncertainty, no decision.... nothing.

Oh what freedom there is found in Christ!

Dear Refuge of my weary soul....

2010-12-14T09:35:00.007-05:00

Recently I have had a lot on my mind that needs to be laid at the feet of Christ. This morning has found me constantly running to the throne of grace, casting my cares over and over again upon the God who is able to do exceedingly more than I can ask or imagine. Lately I have felt that obedience through not being anxious but presenting my requests to God is a full-time job. More often than not I fail.

This song sweetly reminds me of the constant access I have to a gracious merciful, and loving God. What a refuge can be found in Him at any given moment. The song says it all:

Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul

Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies.
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal.
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief
For every pain I feel.

But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine.
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline.
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust,
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust.

Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner's prayer.
Oh may I ever find access
To breath my sorrows there.

Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat,
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet.
Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat,
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneathThy feet.

Copyright 1998, Kevin Twit Music.
All rights reserved.

So Selfish

2010-12-03T15:05:00.009-05:00

Lately I have been confronted with the fact that I am horribly selfish. I spend most of my time thinking about myself: what I want, what I'm going to do with my time, who I want to spend that time with, where I want to go, my problems, my responsibilities, things that frustrate me.... the list goes on and on.

I find it impossible to think of a situation from someone else's perspective first. Every time I try giving others priority it takes fighting a battle with myself. It requires all-out war just getting to a point where I can actually see past myself and really look at the people God has placed around me. It doesn't come naturally. If I were honest, I would have to say that real consideration of others is something I do reluctantly, even kicking and screaming.

Natural inclination drives me to see everything from my point of view, and with a sort of subtle arrogance I usually assume that the way I see things is the way they really are. Rarely do I consider or make provision for alternative possibilities. That being the case, somewhere in my subconscious I must actually think that I am all-knowing. I may not say it or even think it, but I live with an attitude that says, "Of course that is the way things are. That is how I perceive them to be and I must be right."

That irritates me. This pride and egocentricity is the very attitude demonstrated by Satan himself. He wanted to be like God. And isn't that the root of all sin? Pride, hand in hand with its best friend Selfishness. Without any effort, I have made myself my own god. Despicable! I am horrified and ashamed!

Perhaps the greatest let-down in all of this is that my self love adds up to a failure to love God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength. It is the first and greatest commandment and I botch it every day. God deserves much better. He is worthy of so much more. But despite all my failures, His love for me never fails and never changes. In light of my own sin that fact is truly wondrous.

The truly blessed thing in all of this is that lately I have been asking God to reveal my sin to me. I have prayed that He would make known to me the secret evils that keep me from drawing closer to Him. Thankfully, He answers prayer. It is hard and it is humbling, but I praise Him for His mercy and look forward to the growth and the change this learning process will bring.

Closer to Thee Lord, draw me closer to Thee!

He's a Genius

2010-12-01T13:48:00.004-05:00

Something to ponder for a moment or two:

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."
~Albert Einstein, scientist (1879-1955)

Blessed Enough to be Homesick

2010-12-01T09:33:00.009-05:00

I am tempted to feel sorry for myself when I am homesick. Around the holidays this feeling only intensifies. But this morning, as I was considering my present situation, I was reminded how blessed I am to have a family and a home that I actually miss and wish I could go back to.

Not everyone is so blessed. I know many people who come from broken homes or challenging family circumstances. In such cases, going home for the holidays brings a sense of dissappoint or anxiety, rather than peace and comfort. Still others have no home or family to spend Christmas with at all.

As I consider a world where it is getting harder and harder to find healthy, happy and whole families, I begin to realize what a privilege and a blessing it is to be a part of the family that God has given me. I have been given the incredible gift of being raised by parents who love and fear God. What an honor!

Mom, Dad, Bekah, Adam, Rachel, Lydia, Abi... I am thankful for you! So glad that God allowed me to be a part of your lives and you to be a part of mine!

Theology from the Branches of a Tree

2010-11-22T13:22:00.006-05:00

The other day I was sitting in my room, looking out the window. From my spot on the couch, all I could see were the branches of some rather barren trees blowing in the wind. The sky behind them was grey and overcast. Not much to look at.

As I continued to look, bundled up with a blanket and sipping hot tea, I lamented the fact that I live in Northeast Pennsylvania and that winter is almost upon us. I do not enjoy the cold, and days like this one make me long for the tropical climates and sunshine of my childhood. Watching the dismal scene, I could not stop myself from dreaming of spring and summer, when the leaves would miraculously return, the grass would be green, and the sun would shine in a blue sky.

Then a new thought occurred to me. Looking at the present state of the world around me, things seem pretty dismal. There is not much promise of life, not much to stir a hope for something greater. Like the bleakness of a cold day in November, it is easy to be discouraged by what I see.

But as a beliver, I know that something greater does exist and that a brilliant future awaits me and all who are called children of God. One day Christ will return and establish His kingdom. Though right now all I may see is the deadness of winter, I know that the life of spring and summer will come.

Just as I eagerly await summer in NEPA, I am eagerly awaiting the return of my Lord and Savior.

David Crowder Band - SMS [Shine]

2010-11-12T12:45:00.004-05:00

Powerful song. Incredible music video.

He has overcome!

Pages from my Journal

2010-11-06T17:34:00.007-04:00

Today I started reading "Stepping Heavenward" by Mrs. E. Prentiss. Subtitled "One Woman's Journey to Godliness," it has been a refreshing and thought provoking read so far. Prentiss effortlessly communicates profound theological truth through the journal entries of a young woman, Katherine Mortimer, who simply writes honestly and reflectively about the events of her life.

I have found myself relating to her fears and concerns, to painful and humiliating lessons she has begun to learn, and to challenges she has faced so far. As she battles with her own will, I see the struggle I so often have within myself, the spiritual battle that rages within, which Paul speaks of in Romans 7.

Through Katherine's relationship with her mother I think I am catching a glimpse of my relationship to my parents, beginning to understand more fully their great love for me. I can remember times I tried so very hard to please them, and felt - through their corrections and constructive criticisms - that I would never be good enough. It was horribly frustrating for a child, to have their faults pointed out by the very ones from whom they were seeking recognition. Though I knew they were only encouraging me to be better by discouraging what failed to measure up, it was never fun to have those imperfections pointed out. What I really longed to hear was, "Good job. I'm proud of you." But if that's all I had ever heard from my parents, would I ever come to know my own weakness? Would I, in and of myself, recognize areas I needed to improve on if all I ever heard was praise for the good? It's not likely. I probably would have thought that I was good enough, that I had somehow attained all that was necessary. God forbid it!

Humility, I think, is priceless. I have been humiliated once or twice. Utterly humiliated. Mortified with self. It is a good place to be. We need more people, I think, who gently keep us there. Grace is never more beautiful than when you are getting up off of your face after falling hard. When you own your absolute dependence on the mercies of God, you appreciate them all the more.

Yet so many of us go through life pretending that we are somehow good enough. We put on a brave face, trying to live up to the external standard that society has determined to be acceptable. We act like we aren't really the failures that we know we are, and pray that no one finds out how often we actually mess up.

That is exactly why I have found "Stepping Heavenward" to be so refreshing. It is because of the honesty that is found on the pages of Katherine's journal. I can't help but wonder what people might learn from the pages of my journal. Would they learn from my mistakes? Would they identify with my struggles? Would they appreciate my humanity, and find comfort in my imperfection?

Humble honesty. I think we need more of that. More of the stuff that is found on pages from my journal, only lived out in relationships with people. Let's admit that we are failures. Let's admit that we aren't good enough. Together we can point each other to the grace of God. That, I think, is never a bad thing.

my thoughts this morning....

2010-11-02T08:30:00.007-04:00

My thoughts have taken up a terrible march, beating out a heavy rhythm that at times feels like imminent doom. So much on my mind. Too much.

Yesterday I received a repayment schedule for my school loans. Any hope I may have clung to for somehow escaping adulthood and remaining a child forever seems lost. Though I knew this was coming, its arrival brought a swarm of unexpected thoughts and emotions.

The payment plan comes already set up on a schedule that will have your loans payed off in 10 years. I don't want to be in debt that long, but in my current situation it would likely take me several years to pay off these loans, all the while eeking out a mediocre existence in which the dreams and aspirations of childhood seem more and more a fantasy.

Since my current income doesn't allow for a more rapid repayment, the possibility of getting a second job stirs in my mind. Along with that, a myriad of other options. If I get a second job here in the area, it will likely be part time, and minimum wage. That being the case, should I just look for another job altogether? Better paying, with the possibility of working overtime? And if I do go that route, why should I even stay in Pennsylvania? Surely there are better job opportunities elsewhere.

Should I move to Yuma and live with my grandparents? Would I be able to find a solid job there that would speed up the loan repaying process? Maybe I could go back to Washington, get connected in my home church again and find a job there somewhere. After all, I was making more money lifeguarding last summer than I am doing secretarial work now. The work was more fulfilling, and for a short time it was my mission-field. I could do that again for a year or two until my loans were paid off.

There are options, there are vague possibilities, but where is the puzzle-piece I am looking for? Something seems to be missing from the equation and stuff is just not adding up.

Then there is Israel. Surely, getting a Master's degree is an appropriate step in preparing myself to be greatly used by God. I can think of no better place to get an education in the Bible than in the land where much of it took place. I want to go so badly, but in light of finances I am really wrestling with the timing of it all. Would it not be wiser to pay off the loans I have first and then pursue more education? But if I put off going next year, when will I go? Will I ever?

So much is weighing on my heart and mind as I consider where the Lord is leading, but the greatest burden is perhaps my desire to do the right thing, the best thing. I don't want to make a decision based on what is safest or easiest, nor what seems to be immediately exciting and fulfilling. I certainly don't want to make a decision out of fear or a lack of faith in God's provision. If I had my way, I wouldn't make the decision at all, but God would make the path He has for me so obvious that my only choice would be to follow it. Wouldn't it be easy if I just knew which way to go?

But sometimes maybe He doesn't reveal that to us because He knows that if we could see where He was taking us, we would be afraid or overwhelmed, and we wouldn't want to follow. I think He wants to know that we will trust Him enough to follow, even when we don't know where He is taking us.

So what does that look like? I'm not sure, but I don't want to be lazy and sit idly by doing nothing just because I don't have all the answers. Now then..... which direction to go?

In the midst of such uncertainty, I remind myself that God is sovereign and that He is good. Even though I don't have a plan, He does. Even though I don't know what that plan is, He does. Despite the fact that I have no clue which direction to head, which course to pursue, I am confident that if I am truly and humbly seeking Him that I will be on the right path.

Focus girl..... focus.

"...and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." Hebrews 12:1-2

Paper Chain Experiment

2010-10-28T11:13:00.007-04:00

Last week I did something I have never done before. I made a paper chain to serve as a countdown. Each link in the chain represents a day, in this case, a day standing between me and my anticipated departure for Jerusalem next August. As each day passes, I tear a link off of the chain, marking my progress toward said goal.

For a while I had been thinking about making such a chain, but I hesitated because I didn't want it to become a way of wishing the days away. The last thing I want is to be looking forward to the future so much that I am missing out on the present.

After some thought, however, I decided to go ahead and make the chain, using it as a sort of experiment. On each link I printed the day of the week and the date (i.e. today's link reads "Thursday, October 28, 2010"). Instead of tearing off the link at the end of the day, I have decided to carefully remove it in the morning, and carry it with me throughout the day.

This little piece of paper with today's date on it serves as a powerful reminder that today is all I have. There is no guarantee of tomorrow. All that I have today is "Thursday, October 28, 2010." Each time I see that little slip of paper I ask myself, "What are you doing with today?"

In the mornings, when I take the day's link off of the chain, I take a moment to pray over the day. I surrender each one to God, asking Him for the strength and the wisdom necessary to make the most of the time I have been given, and praying that He might be glorified through my use of it.

Sure, I could make all the plans for going to Jerusalem that I want. I could look forward to the day I finally arrive there. But that day is not mine yet. It may never be. The only day I can really do anything about is this one. The question remains, "What am I doing with today?"

Last night, as I was throwing away "Wednesday, October 27, 2010," I was struck by the powerful symbolism. At the end of the day, that was it. Its time was done. Nothing more could be accomplished with that day once it was passed. Looking at the piece of paper in my trash I had to ask, "What did I do with today? Did I do anything that will last?"

My paper chain experiment has just begun. I hope that it might challenge me to be a better steward of my time, to seize every moment and refuse to let time simply pass me by. My prayer is that God might use this experiment to accomplish much in and through my life between now and my adventure in the Holy Land. May I look back on this year satisfied by the way I spent the links in my chain.

Moi Testimonies - NTM in PNG

2010-10-28T11:09:00.005-04:00

God is at work in Papua New Guinea:

How many more of His chosen just need to be told the good news?

The Living Room Sessions

2010-10-15T09:03:00.010-04:00

While listening to Pandora this week, I started hearing songs from Chris Rice's "Living Room Sessions - Hymns" CD. Something about them just warmed my heart.

The simple piano, the familiarity of the tunes.... it restores my soul. With satisfaction I get lost in the art of supplying the lyrics to the instrumental hymns and meditating on their respective messages. Beautiful.

Listening to it now I find myself wishing I was curled up on the couch at home, with a cup of hot tea or coffee in my hand, that quilt Gramma made tucked around me, and a couple fragrant candles lit just for good measure. I could read away the morning in utter peace and contentment, and almost inevitably get a nap in there somewhere.

I have also discovered that Chris Rice also has a "Living Room Sessions - Christmas" CD. I think I will be wanting both for my personal music collection, but for the meantime I will happily continue listening to them on Grooveshark.

You should give them a listen too, but be prepared. You may find yourself wanting to sit down and relax the day away.

Communication Paradox

2010-10-14T15:18:00.012-04:00

As a full-time staffer at BBC&S I get the benefit of taking one free class per semester. This semester I opted to take an undergrad philosophy class: Microexegesis - Theology 1. A typical class period consists of reading a section of St. Augustine's The Teacher, paraphrasing it, and discussing its implications. It has forced me to think more carefully about the basics, and I have enjoyed the thought provoking conversations we have had in class.

For our first written homework assignment we were to write a "clear, cogent, and highly polished" paragraph about any topic pertaining to what we have read or talked about in class. Since I spent a fair amount of time working out and refining my paragraph, I decided I would share it. Hopefully it will be somewhat thought provoking and worth your time for at least that.

_______________________________________

"Within the realm of human communication lies a paradox. Despite the human capacity to clearly and effectively communicate thoughts and ideas, various elements rob this information transfer of attaining perfection. Language, words, and an individual's understanding each place limitations on communication. Though arguably some of the most widely used and effective means of sharing thoughts and ideas, language and words ironically remain constrained by the individual's understanding of them. The concept one thinks may not correspond directly with the words they say, and the words spoken may not translate to the hearer the actual meaning intended by the speaker. Thus, language used in this transfer of information fails to reach a point of absolute precision. Speaker and hearer will never possess equally exact understandings of the words involved. Consequently, one can never assert whether specific thoughts and ideas have been accurately communicated or not. Yet amidst these difficulties, the paradox persists. For although language, words, and an individual's understanding certainly impede communication's absoluteness, humans still retain the ability to clearly and effecdtively share thoughts and ideas through the use of them."

Two years later.... and still counting.....

2010-10-07T12:06:00.015-04:00

Two years ago today (Thursday, October 9, 2008) I received a call from my dad telling me it was time to "come home." He was calling from Seattle Children's Hospital, where my 13 year old sister Abigail was in intensive care. Though not in despair, my heart sank. Such a phone call could only mean one thing: it was not looking good.

Abi had been battling a flesh eating bacteria called necrotizing fasciitis, which had infected her face and was literally eating it away. Throughout the week, doctors performed multiple surgeries to remove the infected tissue, but they were not gaining any ground and there was little more they could do for her.

I recall the feeling of starting out on that journey home, not knowing if I would see my sister once I reached the other side or not. Greater still, I recall the peace that I felt in the midst of such uncertainty.

Two years later I can only praise God for what He did that year. There are so many ways in which He worked through that situation - too many to even tell. Someday, when I see Him face to face, I know I will understand more fully all that He accomplished through it, not only in my life, but also in the lives of those who were touched, who prayed, who gave, who heard.

As I have remembered the events of that week, replaying them in my mind, I am overwhelmed by the mercy, the power, the grace, the sovereignty, and the love of God. Who am I that He would allow such a thing into my life and reveal Himself so beautifully through it?

My eyes are a bit sore, and I will probably have to rinse my contacts out once or twice before the day is through, but I embrace it joyfully. Honestly, I hope that I feel like this every October. I hope that I am always moved to tears in remembering what God did. I hope I never forget the way it felt. I hope I never take for granted the time that God has given.

My sister is alive... two years later..... and still counting.....

Fighting with Waiting

2010-09-30T10:02:00.004-04:00

"God gives people direction more than directions. He will not rob you of the faith building experience of obeying Him for what He says, not what you see. We cannot expect to get all the detailed instructions before we are willing to begin walking the path." - Claude Hickman, Live Life on Purpose

Needed this reminder this morning. Increasingly I find that I am getting restless. My thoughts are often burried in the future: Israel, ministry, relationships, etc. Often I wonder why God has given me such desires and yet allowed me to be in a place where I feel many of them can't be fulfilled. It can be frustrating and discouraging, and I struggle to see why I have to go through the waiting at all. Couldn't so much more be accomplished for Him if I were already doing the things I feel He has made me for?

But God doesn't make mistakes, and my time here has purpose, even if I can't see it. The question is, will I trust Him? Will I chose to believe and live like this is where I am supposed to be right now, even when I'd rather be elsewhere? It seems like every day I am fighting a battle with the same enemy: Waiting.

Daily Cup of Joe

2010-09-29T08:11:00.008-04:00

This morning, like usual, I reluctantly rolled out of bed, prepared for my day, and headed off to work. Lately I have been noticing that getting going in the morning is a real struggle. My mind is sluggish and my body tired, and before I know it I am looking toward that magic cup of dark brown goodness to get me moving.

Yes, it's true. I have joined the ranks of those that require that daily cup of coffee in their lives. Hopefully, I'm not addicted yet. I don't like the idea of being dependant on a physical substance. But from the first moments I smell and taste the brew I can feel my body start to come alive. It must be psychological association or something like that.

As I sit at my desk, slowly sipping my cup for the day, I am once again coming to terms with the fact that I work in an office and drink coffee every day. It's a stereotypical scenario you see in movies, with coworkers mingling in the break room for that quick pick-me-up when the day starts to lag. This is my life.

Such thoughts could rob me of the joy of coffee altogether if I let them. So I won't, but as I consider my need for caffeine to get me going physically each day, my thoughts drift toward the reality that many of us don't get the spiritual boost we need to get going each day. In the busyness of life it is easy to skip the morning quiet time spent in the Word, or to race through prayers in order to make it out the door on time.

Sure, if I were to skip the cup of coffee in the morning, I would survive, but my day would pass much more painfully and slowly than it does when its juices are running through my veins. Less would be accomplished, and what was accomplished probably would not be done quite as efficiently.

Skipping time spent with God in the morning has the same effect spiritually. Without it, my spiritual brain is tired, and weary. I am more given to apathy and discouragement, and less likely to pray or meditate on Scripture throughout the day. Honestly, when I don't make the time to be in God's Word in the morning, I struggle through the rest of my day without much joy or hope. I find my soul is weakened and vulnerable to temptation and despair. When I fail to take my eyes off of myself in order to focus on God and truth, it is easy to become selfish and think that this life and this day really is all about me.

Now, as I continue sipping away at my coffee, I can't help but meditate on this concept and thank God for the opportunity we have to spend time in His Word each day. What a blessing and a resource we have at our fingertips! It is a shame we do not often take full advantage of it as we do our daily cup of joe.

Gianna Jessen - Abortion Survivor

2010-09-26T19:19:00.003-04:00

Part 1 of 2: Gianna Jessen, abortion survivor, speaks at Queen's Hall, Parliament House in Victoria, Australia on the eve of the debate to decriminalize abortion in Victoria.

This is an intense, but worth-the-watch clip (make sure you watch the second part of it too).

Favorite quote: "Don't you realize that you can't make your own heart beat? ...It is the mercy of God that sustains you, even when you hate Him."

Where do you pray?

2010-09-23T07:46:00.016-04:00

A friend of mine recently caught me off guard when they asked me about my prayer habits. In the middle of a casual conversation I was suddenly bestowed with the question, very gently put, "Where do you pray?"

The question seemed a little odd to me at first. I wasn't sure where they were going with this, and the location of my prayer seemed to me a less significant factor than the attitude or content of my prayers. Caught off guard and somewhat puzzled, I mulled over these things for a second, trying to gather some sense of direction. My friend, sitting on the couch next to me, waited patiently for my answer, while thoughtfully looking around my room. It seemed to me as though they were trying to imagine exactly where it was I said my prayers each day.

Unable to ascertain the direction they were headed with this question, I went with a basic, but honest answer. This particular friend is very intentional, and I knew there was some deeper purpose behind their initial question. My friend wanted to take me somewhere. Eventually they would make that destination clear to me.

"Right there," I said, indicating the spot on the couch where they were sitting.

"Right here? Sitting on the couch?" For a moment I saw what looked like surprise, but it was gone again so quickly that I wondered if I had really seen it at all. As of yet, my friend wasn't betraying anything.

Unsure of their reaction, I cautiously confirmed. "Yep, right there."

They paused for a moment, assimilating this information into their plan of action before proceeding with their purpose. As usual, I was captivated, wondering where this conversation would lead. "Well... when do you pray?"

That was easy. But still ignorant of the direction, I offered another simple answer. "In the morning when I do my quiet time."

"Oh...(?)" I couldn't tell if it was a question, or a statement, but they paused a moment, as though carefully considering this information in light of some bigger picture. My friend continued looking around the room. Whatever their point, they were intent on avoiding premature disclosure. Asking their next question, they glanced my way. "How long do you pray?" We made eye contact for a split second and though I searched their face, I couldn't see anything other than the fact that there was, indeed, something deeper going on.

"I don't know, 10? 15 minutes? It depends on the day, what's going on, and what I read that morning in my quiet time." I tried to keep my answers uninvolved and unemotional. The fact that I still didn't know what my friend was getting at made me a little uncomfortable, and I was anxious for them to make their point.

"What do you pray about?" They asked this question with, what I sensed, a somewhat hesitant tone.

"Whatever is on my heart that morning, stuff that will be happening later that day, what I read in my quiet time, people I know, circumstances... stuff like that. Sometimes I write my prayers in my journal."

"When do you confess sin?" There was no hesitation in the asking this time, and though I wasn't sure if this was the point they were making, I got the impression that their question was just as much a statement as it was an inquiry.

For a moment I was dumbfounded. Confession of sin is not something that I necessarily planned into my prayer life, and I was a little ashamed to admit that. Inside, I scrambled to come up with a good answer. Floundering, I confessed my lack of confession. "I don't really set aside time each day to confess sin."

"Well then, when do you confess it?" Their tone was soft, non-accusational.

"Sometimes, when I get convicted about something, or right after I've done something I knew was wrong."

My friend, still not looking at me, quietly said, "I pray by my bed." The implication, though not directly stated, was that every morning they knelt beside their bed in prayer, and that these daily prayers included the confession of sin.

Gazing at my friend, I imagined it. They knelt as a physical symbol and conscious reminder of their humility before the God of the universe. They knelt, and on their knees they were aware of their smallness, their dependence on the mercy of God to even approach the throne. They knelt, daily recognizing their own sinfulness and their need for a Savior. They knelt, out of reverence, in the presence of the One who had the power to condemn them. The knelt, and in this position, an outward sign of their inward humility, they confessed their sins. Gazing at my friend, I imagined it.

When my friend first asked the question, "Where do you pray?" I failed to see the significance. Now, after considering the prayer habit of this friend, I realize that I have much to learn about prayer. Sometimes where you pray is just as important as how you pray. In fact, sometimes where you pray is simply a reflection of how you pray. In Luke 18 Christ tells a parable about a Pharisee and a tax collector. The pharisee prayed in public to be seen by men, reflecting the true motive and attitude of his prayer. The tax collector withdrew, and beat his breast in humility. A similar principle is found in Matthew 6:1-6.

I need much more of that humility in my prayer life, and have started to begin my days kneeling in prayer. On my knees, I have found that it is almost impossible not to be aware of my own smallness before God. Somehow the simple act of kneeling draws attention to that fact, and demands humility. Surprisingly, I have come to treasure that somewhat physically uncomfortable time on my knees. Though every day I may sigh at the thought of getting down there and having to get back up again, I have yet to regret it once I do.

Marcell the Shell with shoes on

2010-09-21T11:07:00.003-04:00

JUC, money, me & God

2010-09-21T09:30:00.013-04:00

Sometime late last week I was looking at pictures of Jerusalem and trying to figure out the location of JUC in respect to the temple mount. I have a picture of the Jerusalem skyline set as my desktop background, basically the same one that is at the top of my blog right now (also included below), and I was wondering where the college would be in that picture. Turns out it would be somewhere way off to the left, not even in the picture.

Still, it was quite satisfying to daydream about waking up in Israel and seeing the old city just outside my bedroom window. I imagined getting up early and doing my quiet time in some discreet garden, sitting among the olive trees and looking out over the city where Jesus once walked and talked. I could almost feel the early morning rays of sun streaming through the branches and falling upon my face as I read the Word of God in its original language, slowly sipping some freshly brewed coffee. Perfect.

But as these thoughts were running through my mind, other, less-happy ones began intrusively elbowing their way in. How are you going to pay for it? Where is that money going to come from? What about your undergrad loans? How are you going to pay for them? If you go to JUC, you will be paying off loans for the rest of your life. Is that the responsible thing to do?

What can you say to such thoughts? It's true, I do owe money for undergrad loans. With the paycheck I am bringing home now, it would be years before I could pay those off, let alone pay off more loans on top of them. Is it foolish and irresponsible for me to even think of going to JUC if it would mean taking out loans? I want to do what is right. I want to be wise. But I don't want to put off getting a master's degree because of finances. If I do that, then I may never get the degree. After all, when will I ever be able to pay for such an education out of pocket?

Further, at this point I believe that continuing my education, especially in the area of languages, would be the best stewardship of the gifts God has given me. For whatever reason, God has given me an understanding of languages, and I enjoy working with them. It would be a mistake to neglect this gifting on account of something so minute as finances. If God has given me the ability, and desires to see me explore and develop that ability through a master's program in Israel, He will certainly supply the funding for it. Our God is not limited by finances, and because He has chosen me for Himself, neither am I.

As a friend reminded me just last night, it's not my money after all, it's God's.

Hannah in Roach for the Win!!!

2010-09-17T14:42:00.007-04:00

Thanks to everyone who helped spread the word and vote for Hannah! I am very excited to share Lianne's latest status (as of this post) with you:

"Lianne D'Arcy was just on the phone with wally from total axxess.. so i was actually on the radio (AHH!!) and he let me know that we had won the competition (PRAISE THE LORD!) and things will be moving on from there! God is good! thank you all for telling people and caring for my family, especially Hannah D'Arcy ! God is good! AMEN?! :D"

The prize for the competition is a benefit concert to raise money to cover medical costs for Hannah. What a privilege it is to be a part of the work God is doing in the D'Arcy family and to be a witness to the body of Christ at work! I am so full of praise for what God has done and can't wait to see what else He will do through this situation!

Thanks all! Keep praying for Hannah, who has aplastic anemia (see my "Vote Hannah in Roach" post on the September 15). I'll pass on major updates as I hear them.

"wise guys"

2010-09-17T13:07:00.007-04:00

This morning I was reading in Matthew 1-2 for my quiet time. As I read of the wise men worshiping baby Jesus, I was impressed by their faith and dedication.

The ignorant bystander, seeing well-learned and obiously wealthy man prostrating themselves before a common infant, must have thought they were fools! Why would such educated men travel thousands of miles to humble themselves before a mere child? Why would they give such lavish and costly gifts to some insignificant baby in Bethlehem? Surely they must have had something wrong in the head!

But these wise men had faith. They saw a star and firmly believed that it pointed to the King of the Jews. People just don't travel thousands of miles on a mere whim, nor do they "happen" to bring expensive gifts with them "just in case." Surely these men had set out with a purpose, and they saw it through to the very end because they believed in it. Their dedication demonstrates the depth of their faith. Regardless of the effort, the personal cost, or the things people might have said or thought about them, they went, worshipped and offered their royal gifts.

As I was pondering this duality of faith and dedication, I thought about what it might look like in the life of a believer today. Christ calls us to lifestyles of sacrifice that just don't mesh with the self-serving culture of our day. I thought of passages like Luke 9:23-26, where Christ calls those who wish to come after Him to deny themselves, take up their crosses, and follow Him. I recalled His Sermon on the Mount, where He spoke of loving our enemies. These kinds of things just don't come naturally; they aren't the kinds of principles our society lives by.

It occured to me that if we lived these principles out, people would likely pity us as though we were poor fools, much like the wise men could have been pitied. People would feel sorry for us for wasting our time being do-gooders when we could be enjoying ourselves and living it up. Then that passage in 1 Corinthians 15, where Paul writes of the importance of the resurrection, came to mind. He says that if there is no resurrection, then our faith is in vain, and we are to be pitied among all men. Yet the only real difference between me and the people who might pity me is that I have been given faith.

Finally, after meditating for a while on these truths, my thoughts came to rest on another passage in 1 Corinthians. In chapter 3 Paul writes "...for the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God..." I can't help but smile when I think of that; this verse kind of turned the tables on my thought processes up to this point.

Sure, the world might think we're idiots for living radical, sacrificial lifestyles, for worshipping a God we can't see and spending our lives seeking to know and obey Him. Let them think we're fools. The truth is that their self-centered lifestyles are the real epitome of foolishness. When they come to the end of their days and stand before the Creator they will be painfully aware of the how meaningless their lives were. Face to face with God, they will see something greater than themselves and will regret not living for Him. I pity them in that moment.

Vote Hannah in Roach

2010-09-15T10:11:00.020-04:00

Two years ago, when my sister was in the hospital, thousands of people from all over the world prayed for her. Facebook was part of the reason for that. I was able to post updates on Abi's situation and my facebook friends were able to pass that information along. Lianne D'Arcy, a Papua New Guinea MK who I have never actually met in person, is one such individual who got the word out about my sister.

I am so thankful for the part she played in keeping people informed, and now I have an opportunity to give back. Lianne's sister, Hannah, was diagnosed with aplastic anemia last month and needs a bone marrow transplant. Praise God that Hannah's sister Meagan is a compatible donor! Unfortunately, the D'Arcy's missionary insurance with New Tribes Mission doesn't cover the transplant. They have no way of funding this crucial procedure which will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

But there is a way that you can help out and it will only cost a few moments of your time. Please click the link below and vote for Hannah D'Arcy (Hannah in Roach) on the right. Thanks bunches for your help and please pass this information and this link along if you are willing!

http://www.totalaxxess.com/

Copied this latest off of Lianne's profile: "please everyone, follow this link and vote for my sister's video on the right hand side of the site so that mike's chair will do a benefit concert to help raise money for her! one disclaimer is after we made the video, God worked a miracle and our insurance changed their policy, so they will now cover the proceedure only. we already have to pay tens of thousands of dollars out of pocket and that number is going up. it just hopefully wont be in the hundred thousands anymore."

Radical

2010-09-15T07:54:00.007-04:00

Saw this on one of the blogs I follow and wanted to pass it on:

He chose me

2010-09-14T09:26:00.012-04:00

I have had numerous conversations with friends in which we've wondered aloud how anyone could think that they themselves chose God. The doctrine of election is made clear in Scripture; salvation is a gift of God. What faith I possess was given to me by God Himself.

But I am not writing this to convince anyone of that truth, I am writing this little blog entry because I have recently been overwhelmed with the weight of the simple fact that He chose me.

The other night I read Jonathan Edwards' "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." Although this was the second time I've read the famous sermon, it was the first time I really appreciated what Edwards was trying to communicate. My prior reading of this sermon was during my first semester of college, for American Lit. 1. Unfortunately, I was so overwhelmed by all the changes happening in my life at the time that I didn't really get much out of that reading.

Four years later, I find am in a better state of mind to handle the content, with a deeper grasp of theology and certainly a more capable maturity level. Thus, reading the sermon the other day proved a thought provoking and emotion stirring exercise.

I was reading the sermon aloud to a friend, who happened to be reading it for the same American Lit. 1 class, and at several points throughout found myself getting choked up, considering the greatness of the mercy of God and my own state of utter undeservedness. Even now, reading the title of the sermon, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," evokes such gratitude and awe, and I get a little misty eyed.

Ironically, what struck me most during this recent reading was the main thrust of Edwards' sermon. The natural man is condemned already, and the only thing that now keeps him from the eternal punishment that is due him is the sovereign hand of the God whose holiness condemns their sin; the God who, because of His very nature, hates them. What unspeakable mercy this is, to be both despised and preserved by the same Almighty God! God, who owes nothing to the natural man but the torment and isolation of hell that each one deserves, chooses instead to preserve our lives for a time on this earth.

What is more, the same God chooses from among these poor, helpless wretches, incapable of escaping their miserable condition, some for salvation. Oh the lavishness of the grace of God toward those whom He has chosen! That which we deserve lies on one end of the spectrum, that which we have been given the opposite end altogether! Instead of eternal death, eternal life; instead of the righteous anger of God, the same love that He has for His own Son!

It is a great mystery to me, why I have been chosen to receive such mercy and grace. I do not pretend to understand it, or to imagine any particular reason for such favor; rather, I know that out of His divine will, for His own pleasure and because of His undeniable sovereignty, He has chosen me. He didn't have to choose me, and just as easily as He did He could have chosen another in my place. It is a mystery indeed, yet I stand today, secure and complete in Him, because my God made a choice and He chose me.

An Opportunity to Trust

2010-09-06T09:06:00.016-04:00

Last night I received a skype call from my sister in China. When my computer started ringing and I realized it was my sister that was calling, I knew something had to be up. Rachel never calls, we always type back and forth. The very fact that my computer was ringing instead of "blooping" (as my mom likes to call the skype received message indicator tone), told me something was different.

I scrambled to find my headset and plugged it in, but by the time I had she had hung up on me. I typed a hesitant "hey" and waited for a response. Almost immediately she started calling again. I answered with another hesitant "Hey," this time vocal.

"Hello? Naomi?" he said. "This is Sean Walker, Rachel's team leader...."

My heart sank for a second. The fact that her team leader was calling me could only mean bad news. Stunned, I listened as he calmly explained to me that my sister was in the hospital with suspected appendicitis and would most likely be undergoing surgery later that day. His wife, Bridget, interjected here and there with warm and positive comments. They hadn't yet been able to get a hold of my parents.

At some point during all of this, I looked over at the couch in my room, where my friend Joshua was still sitting, watching and listening to the conversation as best as he could. When my eyes met his, I realized two things:

1. My hand was covering my mouth in a gesture of slight shock.
2. I had absolutely nothing to worry about.

Immediately, any sense of worry or fear crumbled. Just seeing him sitting there gave me such a feeling of reassurance. I knew that as soon as I explained to him what was going on and expressed any anxiety over the situation that he would respond with truth. He would gently share with me promises from God's Word, and comfort me with powerful truths from Scripture.

Just imagining the verses he would call to mind reminded me that God is absolutely in control of the situation, that He is working for good, that He is faithful, that He provides for His children, that I am not to worry, and that He loves me. I was reminded that such trials are for my own good, and that God is continuously at work in me. And all of these reminders, which flowed in a matter of seconds contributed to the peace that passes understanding Paul speaks of in Philippians 4:7. In an instant I had this general impression of Who God is based on Scripture, and I knew that I had nothing to fear.

Later that night, Joshua spoke to me of the gospel, and what a wonder it is that the One True God wants to have a relationship with me, that He allows me to come into His presence at all, let alone welcomes me as His own. Together we marvelled at that truth, trying in vain to comprehend it, and inwardly I thanked God for friends like Joshua. I know it was no accident that he happened to be the one who was there when I received that call yesterday.

Sean and Bridget Walker eventually were able to get a hold of my parents. In turn, my parents were able to call Rachel's cell phone from Skype and talk to her before and after her surgery. (Technology these days=amazing!) The 1.5 hour appendectomy went well and was completely normal, complete with a surprise viewing of Rachel's appendix by Sean, courtesy of the doctor. She will remain in the hospital for a week, just to be sure that there is no infection. Rachel's spirits are high. The Walkers said she wasn't afraid, but remarkably calm, laughing and calling the whole ordeal her "China Adventure." What a story she will have to tell!

I praise God for the peace that He provides in such situations. It reminds me of a couple years ago, when my sister Abigail seemed to be slipping away in Seattle Children's Hospital on the other side of the country. Then too I was overwhelmed with a sense of calm and trust I couldn't explain, firmly believing that no matter what happened, God was still good and still worthy of my praise.

Funny how easy it is to trust Him in the hard times, when I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to ammend a situation. I suppose it's because humbling situations like these leave me with no alternative. I cannot do anything but look to Him and surrender in faith. But the little day-to-day things are another story altogether. That is where my battle for faith rages. I seem to think I have some control in the mundane moments of life and, when I act like I actually do, I cease to trust God to meet my needs and fail to recognize my absolute dependance on Him. The everyday is harder to leave in God's hands than the really big things I know I can't carry alone.

Last night I was blessed with an opportunity to trust God. This morning, I was blessed once again with the same opportunity. Tomorrow, I have a feeling I will be blessed yet again....

GBBC Expansion Project

2010-09-06T08:57:00.003-04:00

My parents teach at Goroka Baptist Bible College in Papua New Guinea, where my dad also serves as Headmaster. Due to a high demand for Bible training, the college is in need of expansion. This video depicts just some of the ministries, potential, and needs related to this project. It provides a big-picture perspective on the kingdom work my parents are involved in overseas and I couldn't resist sharing it here.

"Next year in the Holy City....."

2010-09-03T13:42:00.006-04:00

I have some exciting news to share; VERY exciting news. This week I received a letter that says,

"We are very pleased to grant you admission into the Fall Semester 2011, two-year Biblical History and Geography program of the American Institute of Holy Land Studies - Jerusalem University College (JUC). We look forward to having you study with us in Israel."

Lord willing, less than a year from today I will begin a new leg of my journey. It will be one unlike any other, one sure to shape my life and direction in profound ways. As I consider this, I lean back in my chair and rest my head on interlocked fingers at the back of my neck. Once again in awe, I can only smile. I cannot possibly fathom the implications such an education will have on my future, but I feel honored to have such an opportunity on my horizon. With great expectation I look to God to make it happen if this is indeed the way He would have me walk in the coming year.

Sharing is Caring

2010-08-31T21:00:00.020-04:00

Lately I've been reading through a book on loan from a friend: "Classic Sermons on the Love of God," compiled by Warren W. Wiersbe. I recommend it to anyone, but especially those who are really struggling, as I have, to grasp what it means to be loved by God.

Today I was reading Chapter 6, a sermon by George Campbell Morgan entitled "Amazing Love!" Excellent. The conclusion of his thoughts really jumped out of me and I knew I had to share them. Though much more powerful in the context of the entire sermon, I'm sure they will be thought provoking at least.

"Amazing love! Why did He love me? I really do not know. But He did, and He does. Why should He care for me? I have been so selfish, so impure in my thinking and desire. Why, I cannot tell. But this I know, He loves me. You may persuade me on many things, and you may dissuade me from some convictions, but I challenge you to dissuade me here. My Friend loves me, I am in His love as well as in His power. I am in His love as well as in His light. You ask me how I know it. I take you, not to the infinite spaces where stars march in rhythmic order, not to the hedgerow where God smiles in flowers, but to the rough and brutal cross of Calvary, to the hour of the dying of the Christ. "God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." My friends, such love is royal, and royal love makes claims upon loyalty. What shall I do in answer to that love? We have often sung together:

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all!

"Have we not sung that wrong in two ways? Have we not sung it first as though we would say, "I cannot give Him so great a thing as the realm of nature; I can give only myself to Him?" That is wrong. He counts you, bruised and broken, sinful, dying man, more than the whole realm of nature. When one day He held the infinite balances in His hand, He said, "What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" (Mark 8:36). That is His estimate. God so loves you that He would not feel Himself enriched if He could save the whole realm of nature and lose you. How do I know that? Because He gave something infinitely more than the whole realm of nature, He gave Himself in His Son for you. If you want to know your value by the measurements of love, God measured you by Himself. When next you sing that verse, do not sing it as though you had nothing to give--if you have yourself to give. If you have yourself to give, give yourself.

"That is all He wants. Have we not sung that verse wrongly in the next place by singing, "Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all," without the answering abandonment? My brother, my sister, answer that love tonight, not only by singing of its demands, but by giving all you are to it. Give yourself, with all your wounds and bruises, with all your weakness and frailty. Answer that love, and that love will remake you until at last you shall be meet for the dwelling of the saints in light. May God in His infinite grace speak this word to us as no human voice can speak it."

Unmotivated Me

2010-08-25T09:31:00.005-04:00

Today is one of those days where I am feeling highly unmotivated. The work day stretches out before me and time seems to slip by as slowly as.... well.... as slowly as me trying to come up with an original metaphor for slowness on a highly unmotivated day.

My to-do list is not very long, and unfortunately for me the few things on the agenda just aren't too appealing right now. What I have to do is not what I wish I could be doing, but I don't wish to start doing what I have to do because the sooner I start doing what I have to do, the sooner I'll be done doing it and the sooner I'll be wishing I had something more to be doing.... Sigh.

But this morning I read through Galatians. One familiar verse has been in the back of my mind ever since, but I find myself wrestling with it even now.

Galatians 6:9
"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

It sounds simple enough, but I guess in my unmotivated state I don't really believe it this morning. If I really did, if I truly believed that someday I will reap if I don't grow weary, then I think I would be feeling a little more motivated this morning.

My dilemma is that I find myself asking what Paul really means by "doing good." In the verse directly following He writes, "So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." My frustration is that when I'm sitting at my desk, typing and bookkeeping and all manner of office working, it is hard to feel like the things I do are really having an impact on people, really doing them any good.

When I read this verse, I can't help but think, "Is what I'm doing really good?"

This morning I admit that I find myself "losing heart" a little, and "growing weary" of my current situation. I desperately want to make the most of every opportunity to do good, just as this verse commands, but sometimes I think I need to be reminded that those opportunities are always before me, regardless of my circumstances and how I feel about them. If God commands it of me, He certainly provides a means and an opportunity to obey.

Alone to the Cross

2010-08-20T15:32:00.014-04:00

Lately I have been wrestling with God's call on my life, sensing that He is moving towards a lifestyle of greater commitment to Him than the one in which I have been existing. By that I do not mean to say that up to this point I have been uncommitted to Him. Rather, as He continues to work on my heart, making me more and more like His Son, God is opening my eyes to what it really means to love and serve Him, what it really means to be a follower of Christ. With such new-found awareness, He is asking me to make a choice - to chose to take my commitment to the next level.

So I stand at a crossroads of sorts. With eyes newly-opened I see stretching before me a life of sacrifice, loneliness, and struggle, with unspeakable riches and glory at the end of it. I want to make it to the end, and I want to hear those cherished words, "Well done, good and faithful servant..." but I'm not so keen on all that lies between here and there.

I stand and stare up this rugged mountain path, weighing my options and trying to bring myself to the point of making a decision. As I do, the dark fog surrounding it all slowly begins to fade here and there. With each lifted cloud I see more of the road that lies ahead, though most of it remains hidden from view - particularly the steps just ahead. Through the mist, however, I can see glimpses of the cross, high above. It seems to be waiting just for me.

My chest aches with the longing to own that cross... to live a life worthy of it... and someday to embrace it at last. But beside me is my own beam of rugged wood, my cross which I must carry up that mountain. It seems an unbearable task, yet as I stand here gazing up at that mountain I know that I must do it. I have made my choice, but I still must make my move.

Throughout the day I have meditated on Christ's last moments on earth. I think of His prayers in the garden of Gethsemane. I consider how He prayed for the cup to pass from Him. In some small way I think I understand more clearly now than ever the battle that was raging that night. It is encouraging to know that even Christ Himself did not look forward to answering God's call. As I wrestle today, Christ also wrestled, counting the cost of obedience to the will of God. Certainly, the price He paid was greater than any price I shall ever have to pay; still, my prayer must be the same as His: "Not my will, but yours..."

A second point of meditation this day, and the one behind the title of this post, has been the fact that Christ went to the cross alone. No one could go with Him, no one could accomplish His task in His place. If He was going to be obedient to the Father, He had to walk up that that mountain with His cross and do what needed to be done. He counted the cost and He gave everything that it required, everything He possibly could. And at the end of it all, He had earned the right to say, "It is accomplished..."

There is a high cost to following God, and living a lifestyle of commitment to Him does not come cheaply. Jesus paid the cost, a greater amount than anyone ever could or ever will. Those who would truly follow Him must count the cost as well. The hard truth is, if I am not denying myself, taking up my cross, and following Him, I cannot rightly call myself a Christian.

Luke 9:18-27

"¹⁸Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, "Who do the crowds say I am?"

¹⁹They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life."

²⁰"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
Peter answered, "The Christ of God."

²¹Jesus strictly warned them not to tell this to anyone. ²²And he said, "The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life."

²³Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. ²⁴For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. ²⁵What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? ²⁶If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. ²⁷I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.""

A Companion for the Journey

2010-08-20T08:47:00.019-04:00

I have been learning so much this week, I don’t even know where to begin....

God has caused the topic of His love to be brought up quite frequently: in my quiet time, in conversations with friends, in sermons I listen to, and as the subject of books I’m reading. As I’ve meditated on His love I have been both humbled and challenged. It is comforting and empowering to know that the God of the universe, the Holy One, loves me perfectly and completely. If I understand and sincerely believe that, then what have I to fear? With the love of God resting so heavily on me, nothing can stand in my way! (Romans 8:37-39)

But as I’ve meditated on the love of God, I have also thought long on what my response should be. How does a weak-willed, selfish little peon like me respond to God’s love for her? The obvious answer is to love God in return, as John writes in his first epistle: “We love, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). It sounds simple enough, but when you start thinking about what loving God really looks like, what it actually requires, it’s not so easy.

Sure, I can get all warm and happy feeling about God’s love for me, but loving Him isn’t about having a warm, fuzzy feeling toward Him in return. God’s Word has much to say about loving Him, and there are many ways that such a love is manifested in the life of the believer. I couldn’t possibly share with you all the principles that I have been considering and studying from His Word, but if you’d like to do some further study of your own I suggest reading 1 John, the Gospels, and the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan.

As I have worked through and considered some of these things, I have found myself asking the question “If God is not the focal point of my existence, do I really love Him?” Loving God calls for obedience, sacrifice, and – in this world – loneliness. It is not the popular thing to do, the standard pattern for life, or the common cultural practice. Truly loving God may take you places no one else is going.

Honestly, that terrifies me.

My greatest fear is being alone. Yet the more I learn about God, the more I love Him, and the more I seek to live out that love for Him, the greater distance I see between me and the people around me. The question of whether or not I will love and follow God even if that means being utterly alone on this earth is an uncomfortable, but necessary one. As I write this even now, there are tears welling in my eyes and a lump forming in my throat because I know that I must choose to love and follow God, and Loneliness will indeed be my sometime companion on that journey.

Francis Chan - Balance Beam

2010-08-19T11:28:00.002-04:00

A friend shared this on her facebook page the other day and I thought it was excellent so I thought I would pass it along:

The Last Supper

2010-08-10T15:47:00.007-04:00

My sister Rachel is currently on her way to China to teach English for a year. In fact, as I am writing and posting this she is on her flight from Detroit to Shanghai, the longest leg of her journey to the other side of the world.

I am so unbelievably proud of her and so excited for this new adventure she is embarking on! At the same time, she will be greatly missed.

Yesterday she and I went to our traditional "sister-date" restaurant, TGIFriday's, and had our "Last Supper" together there. We ordered our usual salad and tried a new entree. It was a bittersweet time of fellowship and conversation before saying goodbye later that night after I drove her down to Philly. In all my 21 years she and I have never been so far or so long apart. As you think of it, I'd appreciate prayers for her and for myself as we start this new journey of separation.

Oh, and if you happen to eat at TGIFriday's any time soon you should get the Pecan-crusted Chicken Salad. It's delicious, I highly recommend it.

The Beauty of the Temple

2010-08-06T09:14:00.011-04:00

This morning in my quiet time I read 1 Kings 6, an entire chapter devoted to Solomon building the temple. There are so many details recorded that it is literally overwhelming to read. Normally I read 2-4 chapters or so in the mornings, but today I just couldn't bring myself to read on about Solomon's Palace in chapter 7.

Six or seven years ago, reading a passage like this was boring. I would skim through it as fast as I could, not taking time to consider the lengths and measurements and the ornate little details like carvings on the doorposts and what they symbolize. How does the fact that there were cherubim, palm trees, and open flowers all over apply to my life today anyway? But this morning I thought about those details. I tried to imagine the size of the structure, what it looked like, what it smelt like. I imagined what it would be like to walk into a room whose walls and floor were completely overlaid with gold. As I started to comprehend the cost and beauty of such a structure, built by human hands as the dwelling place for the Living God, I was awestruck.

All the gold, all the cedar, all the beautiful carvings and materials in the world would still never be enough to make a dwelling place fit for our God. So was it all a waste? Certainly not. The beauty of the temple points us to the beauty and the greatness of our God. When men visited Jerusalem and looked on the temple, they recognized that the God it was built for was far greater than the structure itself. Such an impressive structure could only belong to One truly worthy of it.

But if men came to the the temple and saw its beauty and its splendor and gave no thought to the purpose of it all, the worship of our God, then the temple would have been nothing more than a shiny building. The danger is that the temple itself could have easily become an idol and an object of worship and praise, that its beauty could distract those who saw it from the true Beauty it contained.

I'm sure there are things in our own lives that are "temples" of sorts - wonderful, beautiful things meant to point us to the Living God - that have a tendency to distract us from Him instead. What came to my mind as I meditated on this passage this morning was music. I love my worship music. So many good songs, full of powerful and encouraging truths, and set to tunes that make them pleasing to my ear and easy to remember. But when the music and the rhythm, the beat and the melody distract me from the reason for the song, isn't that the same thing?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying worship music, the way it sounds, and all the little details of vocals and instrumentation. Those are good things. I am not suggesting that worship and music should be stale and boring or that if it's enjoyable at all it isn't true worship. What I am suggesting is that sometimes I need to be reminded that the song itself is not the object of my admiration. It wasn't intended to call the attention to itself and stop me there. Like the temple, it points to the God that it was made for, the God who alone is worthy of it and of so much more.

Worship music is probably my greatest "temple" in life. I'm sure there are more that I'm unaware of. If you think of any of your own or ones that you've seen in the lives of others I'd love to hear about them. The more "temples" we are aware of, the more we can work on keeping ourselves from being distracted by their beauty. Will you join me in this fight?

An Unexpected Blessing

2010-08-04T14:32:00.006-04:00

Today I had the wonderful experience of a surpise visit to my office by the Walter family! They are also missionaries in PNG and just happened to be on BBC campus checking out the school. One of my friends in admissions (shoutout to Mr. Dan Nichols) happened to hear that they were from PNG and asked if they knew me. Thanks Dan! What a blessing to be reunited with wantoks* from home and share about what's currently going on in our lives.

After their brief visit I was literally overflowing, and I have yet to stop smiling. THANK YOU LORD! How timely and refreshing a blessing indeed!

*wantoks (Neo-Melanesian Pidgin): literally "one talks," those who share a common language; those with whom you are closely related or associated, often from the same tribe, tribal group or general region; friends, associates ~ a term of endearment

A Conversation With an Interest

2010-08-04T08:59:00.002-04:00

Our voices dance and play together,
But there is a sense of quietness to the symphony.
Harmonizing easily into the night sky,
They rise and fall,
Beating out a timeless rhythm
That can never be repeated.

But inside, the harsh smashing of symbols penetrates my mind,
And wave upon roaring wave of passion and emotion sends me reeling in a thousand directions.
Shouts of concern and anger from a gander of mouths pierce me in a myriad of keys,
Distorting each other to a point of utter confusion.
A tango flashes wildly throughout,
All the while gaining speed as it weaves in and out of every thought.
Somewhere lightning breaks and thunder cracks
Sending rain into every crevice of the cacophony,
Smothering what little is left of my inner being.

Amidst the turmoil is but one constant: my throbbing heart
Trying to suppress the insecurity of too many answerless questions.

And outside, our voices still exchanging embraces in the night,
The waltz goes comfortably on....

~ Naomi Melson, 2008

Opportunity

2010-08-04T08:56:00.004-04:00

Waves go and come,
Bringing and taking the sands of
Old and new.
It is the child who uses these sands,
Shaping them into what he desires,
Taking the opportunities they bring.
And the fool stands by,
Refusing to get his hands dirty
As the tide goes out.

~ Naomi Melson, 2003

Be Still, My Restless Soul

2010-08-04T08:45:00.005-04:00

O my restless soul, be still.
The world is yet before thee,
And there are many hills between you and that mountain.
In your eagerness to climb
Forget not to treasure the hills at hand.

For who can say when now transforms to then?

To seize the summit and embrace the sight at last
Is naught if the journey is forgotten.
Let not your first look upon these lowlands
Be over your shoulder from yonder summit.

O be still, my restless soul, be still.
For things seem beautiful from afar
And flaws disappear in the distance.
Perhaps when you stand on that peak
These humble hills would be more preferred.

For who can say when hope turns into disappointment?

~ Naomi Melson, 2009

everyone should have a little notebook

2010-08-04T08:25:00.008-04:00

I have this little notebook I carry around in my purse at all times. Sometimes a page in it becomes my grocery list, and other times my canvas when writing a song. You never know when you might be inspired, so I like to be prepared. I have been known to use the notebook for taking notes in chapel and church, or to write reminders and to-do lists for myself. It is quite the multi-functional little thing.

Anyhow, this morning I was flipping through it, crossing out old grocery and to-do lists and writing a new one for today when I found this little quote. I don't know where or even when I heard it, but it was interesting so I thought I'd share it.

"If you pray for rain... be prepared for a little mud."

God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we expect, but His Word tells us that He hears, and that He wants us to bring all of our requests to Him (Philippians 4:6, 1 Peter 5:7). Our Father is good and He does good things for His children (Matthew 7:9-12). Don't let the possibility of a little mud keep you from praying for the rain!

The Cost of Sacrifice

2010-07-29T08:32:00.010-04:00

This morning I finished reading 2 Samuel in my quiet time. In all honesty I can hardly call it a quiet time today. I woke up with a dominating headache and struggled to get out of bed and get going at all. By the time I finally did my morning routine was cut short and I felt rushed as I read through the last three chapters of the book. This morning I wasn't going to have time to spend in prayer and meditation and journaling after I read, like I usually plan for.

But God knew about my headache and this morning's reading was powerful enough that it didn't require meditation and journaling for profound truth to sink in.

At the very end of my reading was 2 Samuel 24:24, "No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price, for I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God which cost me nothing. So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver." (emphasis mine)

David was buying the field in order build an altar and offer sacrifices in order to appeal to the LORD for mercy. He had ordered a census to be taken, against the will of the LORD, and in judgment of his sin, a three day pestilence fell on the people. Thousands were dying, and David was moved with compassion, wanting to make things right.

What struck me was the sentence I highlighted in that verse above: "...for I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God which cost me nothing." Araunah, the owner of the field, offered the field, his oxen, and his oxen's yoke to David as a gift in order for the sacrifice to be made. David had the opportunity to take the easy way out, to offer sacrifices to the LORD that would have cost him nothing at all. But he chose not to. David recognized that such sacrifices were not really sacrifices at all.

The title of this blog is "The Cost of Sacrifice" because, by its very nature, sacrifice is costly. Merriam-Webster online defines sacrifice as "an act of offering to a deity something precious," or "destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else" and "something given up or lost." If it doesn't cost you anything, it is not really a sacrifice.

I'm not going to go into all the profound implications this has on my life as a believer. The truth is that I am still thinking through the ramifications of what sacrifice actually means myself. As believers, we are called in Romans 12 to "present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God." If we are being honest with ourselves, we know that this will cost something. Are you willing to pay the price? Am I?

Waiting in the Wilderness

2010-07-26T13:39:00.007-04:00

I've been reading through 1 and 2 Samuel in my quiet time lately and this morning I was in 2 Samuel 14-16. This passage covers part of the time when David's son Absalom was in rebellion against him. If you need to brush up on this story, I'd encourage you to read starting in chapter 13, or - if you want even further background context - starting in chapter 11.

Basically, in chapter 14, David welcomes his exiled son Absalom back to Jerusalem. Absalom had been exiled because he had murdered several of his brothers in an act of revenge. David, though he had suffered great loss at his hand, still loved Absalom and was persuaded to allow him to return to Jerusalem. Eventually, after two years of living in Jerusalem, Absalom was even allowed to go before the king.

In chapter 15, the yet ungrateful Absalom begins to conspire against David. Standing outside his father's gate, he would tell the people who came with matters to be judged by the king that they would not find true justice unless they came to him instead of his father David. His efforts prevailed and the hearts of the people began to turn from David to himself.

Ultimately, through lies and deceit, Absalom rallied an army of support, ready to seize the throne. David was forced to flee from Jerusalem with his household and those who remained loyal to him. He left behind a palace and a throne that was rightfully his and headed out for the wilderness, all-too-familiar from his days of running from Saul.

But what really struck me in this passage as I was reading this morning was what happened in chapter 16. As David and those with him went on their way, fleeing from Absalom, a man of the house of Saul came out and began calling down curses on David. In a demonstration of passion and loyalty, one of David's men asked for permission to cut off the man's head. How dare someone curse the God-anointed king!

David's response? Taken from verses 10-12, "If he curses, and if the LORD has told him, 'Curse David,' then who shall say 'Why have you done so?' . . . Let him alone and let him curse, for the LORD has told him. Perhaps the LORD will look on my affliction and return good to me instead of his cursing this day."

Instead of taking the situation into his own hands and lashing out, David made the choice to wait. He had confidence in the righteousness of God and believed that the LORD's justice would prevail. Whether that meant truly being cursed, as this man threatened, or perhaps having his kingdom restored to him one day, David was content to wait on the LORD in the wilderness in the meantime.

As David and those with him continued on their way, the man followed, calling down curses the whole way. Yet David didn't retaliate. When they finally arrived at their destination they were weary, no doubt physically and emotionally drained, but we read that David was able to refresh himself there.

When I read all that earlier this morning, I began thinking of my own life situation, and how at times I feel like where I'm at right now is not where I really belong. Sometimes it seems like a lonely wilderness. I was forced to ask myself, and have been asking myself all day, "Do I have the confidence and the patience of David to believe so strongly in the character of the LORD that I will walk this wilderness until he brings me home?"

LORD let it be so!

Thi orta tink

2010-07-24T15:19:00.004-04:00

o my computer' keyboard i dying and ometime when I type the letter " " doen't work. It' a little aggravating, but intead of getting all irritated about it I jut figured I'd write a quick blog about it and make light of the ituation. If for ome reaon you are reading my blog and happen to notice a typo, omeplace where there i a miing letter " " that' probably why. Jut aying.

Hupomeno! "Bling Bling"

2010-07-24T13:54:00.018-04:00

I confess, the unique title was just to catch your eye and get you to keep reading. So far it's working! Haha, it's still working! Ok, down to business though, I seriously do have something excellent to share, and the title does have a point and a purpose beyond just getting your attention.

This week was the first week of TLC at BBC and I attended most of the evening sessions. Thursday night's lesson hit me right in my area of need and the speaker, Tony Tice, did a fantastic job of giving his audience a way to take the text with them. I know I won't be forgetting his point anytime in the near future.

The passage was the familiar James 1:2-4 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

As soon as he began, I settled in, expecting to hear the usual things all over again, but quite willing to listen just the same. Some of the things he said I had heard before, but that night a lot of what he shared really struck a chord with me. Perhaps it is just where I am at in life right now, and perhaps it is the way he communicated, but in any case I wanted to share a few of the things he had to say.

First, Tice called these verses the most insensitive passage in the Bible. I laughed when he said it because I know exactly what he means by that. "Consider it all joy." Who in the midst of trials wants to hear that anyway? The people who cheerfully remind us to "Consider it all joy" when we're facing trials, and who wear plastic smiles in the midst of hardships of their own are the kind of people we want to punch just to make ourselves feel better. But, Tice continued, this passage really isn't insensitive when we understand it in context. James isn't calling us to rejoice because we are facing a trial, but to rejoice because of the ultimate result that the trial will bring in our lives: "that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

He continued with his message and brought up the Greek word for "endurance" in this passage. Immediately I perked up, eager to hear what he would say about one of my passions, the original Biblical language. "Hupomeno," he explained, is the Greek word for "endurance" here. For all you language and grammar nerds out there, this is a compound word. When you break it down into its two original root words you get the Greek "hupo," meaning "under," and the Greek "meno," meaning "to abide" or "to remain." Thus, the concept of enduring is "to abide, or to remain under" a situation or a trial. Tice challenged his audience with the question, "What is it that God is calling you to remain under right now?" He went on to say that choosing to remain under a trial gives God the opportunity to make something of us, something "perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." It loses its affect in the retelling, but his message made a powerful point here as he stood up, threw his arms in the air in a gesture of victorious submission, and yelled "I will hupomeno!" Unforgettable!

So now that half the title to this post makes sense, I will share my final point from his message which explains the other half. From his "hupomeno" point he transitioned to the result that trials bring, and referenced 1 Peter 1:6-7, part of which talks of "the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold . . . tested by fire." Tice explained the process of refining gold, where the metal is heated and the impurities burnt off so eventually only the purest gold is left. That, he said, is the purpose of the trials we face. Though it's tough going through the fire, and impurities being burnt away can be a painful process, the end result is the perfection of our faith. Spiritual bling - my words, not his.

His message was a poignant reminder to me at this point in my life. There are many transitions that I am facing, many challenges - mostly mental and emotional, not really having to do with physical needs or situations. But each one is a spiritual trial, a testing of my faith, and God is using each one to draw me closer to Him and perfect in me the faith that He has given. That, my friends, is a beautiful thing. Let's "hupomeno" and get us some spiritual bling!

lesson from a vacuum

2010-07-21T22:02:00.005-04:00

Ok, so this is a bit cheesy, but it struck me so I'm going to share it anyway.

The other day I was cleaning up around the house, vacuuming and such, and I was practically giddy because I was having some friends over. As I rolled the vacuum across the carpet repeatedly I was thinking about how much fun I was having with the chore simply because I knew that when my friends arrived they would appreciate the clean, comfortable, homey environment I prepared.

Of course, I took it a step further and began daydreaming of the day when I will be cleaning the house for my husband to enjoy when he gets back from work. (I told you this was cheesy). I cannot wait for that day, when it will be my job to keep the house clean and cozy, creating a refuge for my husband to come home to. What a privilege and a responsibility that will be, and how much more enjoyable the chore will be, knowing that my husband-the man I love-will appreciate and benefit from my efforts.

As I thought happily about this, it suddenly occurred to me that I already have a Bridegroom that is coming back for me, and there is much work to be done while He is gone. If I so eagerly look forward to doing simple household chores for my earthly husband in the future, should I not be zealous for the work of the Lord that He has given me now?

"Can't" vs. "Didn't"

2010-07-21T21:52:00.006-04:00

I heard an interesting comparison of the words "can't" and "didn't" today. The context is Dwight Peterson speaking to a group of students at Teen Leadership Conference at BBC this year and I thought I'd share the gist of his thoughts.

"Can't," he explained, is a hopeless word. There is no chance for some thing, whatever it is, to happen. There is no hope of the goal being obtained, nothing to look forward to but failure.

"Didn't" at first sounds very negative. It sounds like a past failure to act, but it is a word that is actually full of hope. "Didn't," but "can." Here there is a chance that whatever it is, it can be done. Whatever it might be, it could happen, it could still be accomplished. Maybe it wasn't, maybe there was a missed opportunity and a past failure, but "didn't" points to the possibility of a future success.

Ponder that next time you're tempted to say that you "can't."

What would happen if....?

2010-07-06T11:47:00.008-04:00

I'm sure many of us have wondered what would happen if.... fill in the blank. It seems like every time I turn around I find myself asking some kind of hypothetical what if type question. It's futile. There is absolutely no point in thinking that way. The question itself is based on mere speculation, and asking those kinds of questions doesn't change anything. In fact, if it achieves anything at all it is usually only that it makes me (A) discontent with my present circumstances, or (B) worried about a set of circumstances that doesn't even exist! Can we say ridiculous?

But recently I have been challenged by a what if question of a different nature. This one has begun to make a difference in the way I think, and has even impacted my relationship with God. Lately I have been asking the question, "What would happen if I really believed God's Word is true?"

It sounds basic enough right? Almost too basic. Of course I believe God's Word is true. It is, after all the Word of God. Paul, in Titus 1:2, refers to God as One "who cannot lie," and in John 17:17 Jesus makes it pretty clear when it says "Your Word is truth." Most of us, myself included, would never say the Bible, God's written Word to us, is not true. But isn't that how we live? Isn't that how I read it?

Ouch! When I started really evaluating the way I view the Word of God, I was ashamed. How often I read the promises of Scripture and yet don't take them to heart! How often I think, "Yeah, that's a nice idea," and fail to truly trust in the truth of the Word! But the Bible isn't a collection of nice ideas friends, it is the very Word of God and whatever it says can be taken to the bank. You can bet your bottom dollar on it, throw caution to the wind, and put all your eggs in this basket, because it will never fail to ring true. If it's in the Bible, it's true. Period.

So go ahead, count your chickens before they hatch and bet the farm when it comes to the promises of God that you read in Scripture. And the next time you pick up your Bible I dare you to read it as if every word is absolutely true. What are you waiting for? Experiment for yourself and find the answer to the question I've been asking: "What would happen if I really believed God's Word is true?"

brutal . beautiful . honesty

2010-05-30T17:47:00.011-04:00

There has been an ongoing battle in my life. For years I have found myself fighting for faith. It is not saving faith that I speak of, but faith in God's character. I confess, I have long struggled to trust God's goodness, His sovereignty, His provision, and even His mercy, love, and kindness.

Why? Because I am afraid. My greatest fear is that I will spend this life alone. Unwed. Unmarried. Unloved. Old maid. Such words cut me to the heart, leaving terror in their wake. Without going into all the details, I believe I was created for companionship. I believe God has gifted me to be someone's partner and helpmate in this life, serving alongside him, helping him to be more effective in life and ministry. At the end of the day, there is nothing I think I want more.

But each day that I wake up alone is another day I must walk the battlefield in my ongoing war for faith. I often find myself wondering how a God that is good and sovereign, Who provides for His children out of the riches of His mercy, love, and kindness, could create such a longing in me and leave it unfulfilled. At times the ache and the pain of loneliness is overwhelming and I find myself losing the battle.

Last night was such a time. My head still hurts from the tears that I wept, and even now my throat begins to close, remembering with soreness the painful sobs as tears well in my eyes again. But I can manage a smile too, because sometime between the hours of 1:00 and 3:00 in the morning, on Sunday, the 30th of May, God answered me in my distress.

What follows is the un-edited prayer to God that I scratched out in my journal during that time:

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

"It's around 1:20 in the morning. My heart is crushed.

"Oh God, why does it hurt so much! My heart aches within me! What hope is there to keep me going? Yet even now I hear your whispers - "I am your hope, hope in Me." O God, O God, I want to believe it. Help my unbelief O Father. If there is any mercy within You, grant me the faith to trust in You, to hope in You without any doubting. I am unable to do it - I need Your strength to intervene - to challenge and dismiss my weakness.

"O God, what is there to hope in? I feel as though there is nothing to look forward to. If I am to be an old maid, to spend my life on this earth alone and unmarried I would rather You strike me dead now. What point would there be to such a life God? Why, when You have created me with a hunger for companionship, a desire to help and support and encourage a godly man in this life, why would You then withhold that from me? Where is the justice in that? What purpose does that serve? Where is the justice and mercy and love in that? Where is the lovingkindness in keeping that from me? Is it not a good desire?

"Forgive me if I slander or disrespect Your Holy Name. I know not of the heights of Your holiness - I cannot fathom the depths of Your glory and Your righteousness. I cannot fathom it, and yet I cannot see it either. In my circumstances at present I struggle and fail to see Your love and Your mercy - yet You whisper - "I have provided - this house, that job" - Oh but why these?

"Be patient with me - I only say what is on my heart.

"Why this house - living with a prof's family in the cold lower level room in PA of all places? Why not a place of my own in a warm land alongside a man after Your own heart? Why not with a kitchen of my own and a place of my own where I feel like I belong and I don't feel like I am in the way? This is not what I wanted - this is not what You created me for - "I created you for even this, for this moment," You say. Why? Where the heck is the love and kindness in that? Where is Your famous mercy in the midst of my pain and the ache of loneliness? I wish to believe in it but I cannot see it.

"O God, forgive me, but I wonder if it is real. In my head I see this cruel god that delights in my anguish and withholds good things from me. Grant me the faith to believe that is not You. O God! Restore my hope in You for it is failing!

"Why have You given me this secretarial job? Was I meant to sit behind a desk and answer phones and to plant churches? Why don't I have a desire for that? And why now do You whisper "You do"? I never asked to be a secretary. "Since when is it about getting what you ask for?" You reply. And what can I say to that? In spite of myself I am at a loss - but still the ache remains. O God, be merciful and spare me from this heartache! Remove my will and my desire and replace them both with Yours.

"Why can't I trust? Why can't I have the faith that is necessary? And why do You say that I do? Why is the struggle, the battle that rages within, the proof that such faith is at work within me? What could that possibly mean? I do not understand. Can faith exist amidst such doubt and fear? It seems like such a paradox. Show me in Your Word what it means to have faith - what does that really look like? Ah - Hebrews 11 - hall of faith. Immediately Abraham comes to mind. He was a man of great faith, yes? Called and esteemed as a father of the faith, and yet, how many times did he doubt? Father, are these Your thoughts or mine? ...............

"(pause as I turned to Hebrews 11 - was caught by the heading mid-way through Ch. 10 - "A Call to Persevere" and read from there to the end of the chapter, then went back and read the entire of Ch. 10 - oh what truth - and how desperately I needed it!)

"Praise God for Hebrews Ch. 10! All of my 'sacrifices' and my striving will never be enough to win this battle. Christ has accomplished all that I strive for already - once for all at the cross. In one act He paid for every doubt and fear and anxiety that I struggle with even today. Oh that this would be the end of the battle for me - oh that this would be the last night I struggle with such thoughts and anguish! Oh that the words of Hebrews 10 would be my song!

"10:12-14 "But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time He waits for His enemies to be made His footstool, because by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy."

"You have made perfect those who are being made Holy O Christ! I am perfect in the eyes of the Father, and I am being made holy even now! Verse 17 brings hope to my weary and weak soul:

"10:17-18 "Then he adds: "Their sins and their lawless acts I will remember no more." And where these have been forgiven there is no longer any sacrifice for sin."

"Every doubt and fear paid for - done - no longer a debt is owed that I cannot pay, and the work required has already been accomplished on the cross, never to be accomplished again. As Christ Himself has said, as You said, O Christ, as You hung on that tree for me, "It is accomplished!" And praise God it is!

"And oh I could continue about the wonders of the rest of the chapter: the "confidence" in verse 19, the "full assurance of faith" in verse 22 and the following verse:

"10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for He who promised is faithful."

"But O Father I must mention and here record verses 35 and 36, and the final verse, 39:

"10:35-36, 39 "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. . . But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."

"What promise is found in Your Word O God, my Father and my hope. You alone are good. I thank You for Your mercy - for hearing the prayer of a desperate sinner. "You are my child," You whisper. And I do not deserve it. "No one does," You say, and now I am aware of your mercy. Thank you for showing it to me tonight - for lavishing me with kindness and pointing me to the truths of Your Word.

"It is true, as Your Word says, "His mercies are new every morning," even at 2:24am. I would ask for Your forgiveness - and I do, knowing that I have already been forgiven - nothing is left undone. Now, if I may ask for yet another favor, I would ask that You would grant me with a sufficient rest for all that the day requires, and the courage to face tomorrow single, for that is what you have for me today."

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Failure to Blog & Life After College?

2010-05-29T13:44:00.007-04:00

Wow, I apologize for not blogging in forever. Yikes! Latest blog was February 14th! I have really failed at communicating what has been happening and how God has been teaching me since. I am truly sorry. There is so much that I could say and write about, please bear with me as I sort through all the thoughts and experiences and begin to write some of them down to share with y'all.

So much has happened in my life since February. The big news that you should know right up front is that I graduated from Baptist Bible College on May 7th, and that I landed a job working with Project Jerusalem, a church planting office at Baptist Bible Seminary. I am currently renting a room in my Greek professor's house and will be starting my new secretarial job on Tuesday. This new lifestyle has already been, and will continue to be, an experience.

My life after college is pretty crazy and weird. By that I mean it's the fairly standard balancing and management of work, and insurance, and bills, and social life. I feel like I've slipped into some alternate reality of normal single life, which is totally unlike what I anticipated and expected for myself. This is not where I saw myself after graduation; still, I am intrigued to see what God will do with it nonetheless.

3 Cliches - One Simple Truth

2010-02-14T22:31:00.007-05:00

Nearly every girl wants to be swept off her feet, but the task is more easily accomplished when the girl in question has her head in the clouds. While it requires more effort for the girl with her feet on the ground to be swept away, the man who rises to the challenge will certainly not regret it when he manages to do just that.

2010-01-12T07:33:00.003-05:00

I read through Joshua recently and was really struck by a sort of similarity between the situation of the Israelites and my present situation in life.

At the opening of the book, Moses has just died and Joshua is transitioning into the leadership of Israel. The nation is leaving their desert wanderings and on the verge of entering the promised land. They were at a crossroads of sorts and the status quo was about to change.

As I find myself near the end of my senior year at college, I can imagine all the feelings the people must have been experiencing. Joshua must have been a little anxious, perhaps nervous about filling the shoes of the beloved Moses. The people must have been holding their breath to see what happened next. I'm sure they were excited to enter the promised land, but nervous because of the obstacles that lay ahead and the complete lifestyle transition that lay before them.

The Sacrifice of Christmas

2009-12-25T14:55:00.012-05:00

Since attending the Winter Concert at BBC, this Christmas season for me has been full of meditation on the sacrifice that Christ made in coming to earth. As I think about what Christmas really means, my thoughts inevitably return to the fact that the Son of God emptied Himself in order to become a mere man. He gave up so much of who He was - power, omniscience, rights, omnipresence - in order to become Jesus Christ, the God-man. What a sacrifice! The Creator willingly limited Himself in order to walk and talk and live and breathe among the created.

Most of us know His purpose in coming to earth. As Matthew 20:28 reads, "the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." He came ultimately to give His life, dying on the cross for the sins of the world in order to restore mankind to right relationship with the Father. Ephesians 2:1-10 has much more to say about this restored relationship, but what I want to focus on is the initial sacrifice Christ made to become a man.

This morning, as I was meditating on that initial sacrifice, Philippians 2:5-8 came to mind:
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! "

If the Son of God can give up His God-like qualities to become nothing, a mere man, a created being... if He can become a servant, not even a rich man or a king, but a lowly carpenter... and if He can humble himself, giving up His rights, even the right to live, to the point of dying an undeserved death... if He can do all that for people like me.... what can people like me do for Him?

In comparison to what Jesus Christ has done for me, I can really do little in return. But because the Son of God was willingly and greatly inconvenienced.... because He gave up so much of Himself in order to reconcile sinners like me, enemies, to His Father..... because of these things I must be willing to give of myself for Him.

Therefore, day to day inconveniences, sacrifices, and the giving up of the things I want.... all these are privileges for me, one redeemed. A privilege indeed, but it's certainly not easy to surrender all things - hopes, dreams, family, friends. When I think about the things I want it seems unfair, even cruel to have to give them up. That is why it is so important for me to remember the sacrifice of Christmas and the fact that the Son of God gave infinitely more on that not-too-long-ago night when He became a human infant. With such an example of humility, I can only be inspired to give more of myself.

Blessed by BBC's Winter Concert

2009-12-19T14:04:00.011-05:00

I arrived at about 7:50pm, with the concert set to begin in 10 minutes. Anxiously I walked to the ticket table to see if there were any available. There weren't, but I was hopeful when the woman selling the tickets told me not to go anywhere. It wasn't exactly how I had planned it, but this year the tickets sold out pretty quickly and due to my own procrastination there weren't any left by the time I got around to purchasing one. My dorm mom had told me to show up anyway, just in case someone didn't claim their tickets. Though I had planned on arriving half an hour early, so I would be first in line for any no-show tickets that became available, I now found myself waiting with only minutes to spare. Tonight was their last performance, my last chance to get in.

Soon the choir began lining up, ready to make their entrance, and as I looked once more to the ticket counter I couldn't hide my excitement when the woman turned and offered one of the last remaining tickets to me. I was in!

Quickly, I made my way into the library, where the concert was being held. If purchasing a ticket was the first half of the battle, finding a seat would be the second. There were only a few, dotted here and there. I spotted some friends, but the empty seat next to them was saved for another latecomer. My search continued, and I found myself making my way further and further towards the front. If I didn't find one soon I would have to stand in the back. The concert was about to start and I was running out of time.

That's when I saw a seat next to an international student friend. He was sitting in the fourth row, and as I got his attention I couldn't tell if he was saving the seat for someone or if it was in fact empty. I committed, walking all the way over and was both thrilled and relieved to find out that the seat was in fact available. With mutual friends in the concert, I knew it would be easy to enjoy the performance together. After chatting a bit, I settled in and breathed a prayer of thanks for the ticket and the seat. It was time for the long awaited concert to begin.

At this point, there's really not much I can say that will do any justice to the wonder that is BBC's Winter Concert. A week later I am still incredibly thankful for the opportunity to attend. I was blessed and encouraged over and over as friends, classmates, and dorm mates all used their talents to glorify God. Hours of practice and hard work went into a performance that warmed my heart and challenged me to be grateful for the incredible sacrifice Christ made in coming to earth as a baby. What a joy to see my peers use their gifts in such a way! What a privilege to thank them for their ministry and interact with them afterward! Thanks to everyone who was involved in making the BBC Winter Concert a huge success!

Though it's not the same as attending the concert itself, I've included a link to a video of one of the songs from that night. From there you should be able to see a few more clips from the concert this season. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/user/sangpibroadcast#p/u/5/4RIC52nBrKQ

Wish: To Excel in Educating for the Glory of God

2009-12-09T16:06:00.030-05:00

The past couple days I have been reading a book for Effective Bible Teaching called "The 7 Laws of the Learner" by Bruce Wilkinson. It is a phenomenal book and I highly recommend it - not just to teachers. I wouldn't hesitate to go as far as saying that it is a must read for anyone who is even remotely considering teaching. By the end of the first chapter I was in tears, overwhelmed by the story of the impact one teacher had on a student. I felt inspired to be an excellent teacher myself. See what is this semester has done that to me?

Never before was I really interested in teaching. Though practically every spiritual gifts or skills test I have taken has included some form of teaching in my result (from "teaching", to "exhortation", to "pastor/teacher"), I never put much stock into it. In fact, more often than not I have laughed it off, finding the idea of me teaching somewhat humorous. I can't remember how many times I have said, "Yeah, but I don't really want to be in the classroom for the rest of my life," to my father. Thinking back, I can remember my fourth grade teacher pulling me aside and telling me that I should come back to my MK school and be a teacher, that I had the gifts and skills for it. Fourth grade. Seriously? And yet, I can still remember vividly the moment he told me that.

Today I find myself loving teaching. I have been an RA now for almost two semesters, and I love it. I love the relationships I have with the girls, the fun that we have together without having to hang out all the time, and the opportunity to teach and guide and watch them learn and grow. Preparing devos each week has been stretching, but also very rewarding. One advantage is that this semester I have been able to take things I am learning in classes like Effective Bible Teaching and Expository Preaching and Foundations of Ministry Leadership and apply them right into my interactions with the girls on my floor. The experiences of this semester have been life-changing to be completely honest, and I have a totally different perspective on teaching now.

As I continue reading this book I am becoming more and more aware of room for improvement, the need for a shift in my way of thinking. There is much to be learned about teaching and causing others to learn, but I also know that I have plenty of time to learn how to be the best teacher I can be. I am excited for the possibilities, and at this point would absolutely love to end up teaching in a Bible College overseas. Hmmm, Goroka Baptist Bible College perhaps? What a trip! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would end up back there teaching alongside my parents, and never have I wanted it the way I want it now.

Truthfully, I will go wherever God leads me, but my college education has caused me to value education in such a way that I want to be a part of creating opportunities to learn where there aren't many. Here in the U.S. one can choose which Bible College to attend based on personal preference alone. In some countries around the world the option of getting a Bible College education doesn't even exist. While home on Thanksgiving break I was talking to a young man who casually mentioned the fact that he was thinking about going back to school to finish his masters degree. There is nothing wrong with what he said or how he said it, but when he did mention finishing his masters level education it struck me how easily he could do just that. The option to get a masters degree in Theology was there just waiting for him, but there are so many places in this world where that is not the case. That is why want to be a part of making the same kind of education I have so enjoyed and so benefited from available to people in places where it is not so readily available, places where it hasn't been an option.

In the meantime, I hope to learn all that I can about the art of teaching so that when the opportunity arises I can be the most effective teacher I can possibly be. I want to touch the lives of students, helping them to reach their full potential. Who knows what can be accomplished through the life of an individual who has been both loved well and taught well by a careful, God-focused instructor?

Today, having finished only through the second chapter of "The 7 Laws of the Learner" I am already left with this, my wish: to excel in educating for the glory of God.

Thoughts Prompted by Proverbs

2009-11-28T16:40:00.008-05:00

I was reading this morning from Proverbs and a couple verses struck me:

Proverbs 28:23 "He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue."

When I read this, my roommate instantly came to mind. She has rebuked me more times than probably anyone I know, but I am so thankful for that. In the end, she is much dearer to me for it, a most valued friend indeed. I continued reading, thankful for her work in my life:

Proverbs 28:26 "He who trusts himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe."

This one instantly humbled me. It points out the real reason for my roommate's rebuke in the first place - I had deceived myself. Obviously trusting myself hadn't worked out so well. It is humbling when you realize that you identify with the fool so often talked about in Proverbs.

Overall, I have found that it's good to be reminded of where I have been and what God has accomplished in my life. The good He has done would not be so incredible if it weren't for the evils of my own sins and failures. But, and for this I praise the Lord, His grace is far greater!

T-shirt Quilt Musings

2009-11-26T01:52:00.006-05:00

Today I was at Joanne's picking out some fabric for the back and border of a quilt. It was an interesting experience on a couple different levels. For starters, the whole reason I am making a quilt is that I have had a bunch of t-shirts that have been taking up space in my dresser for years. You see, I haven't wanted to get rid of these shirts because they are all sentimental in some way or another. So, instead of getting rid of them or keeping unworn t-shirts around, a friend of mine suggested making a quilt out of them. My mother happily agreed to help out.

There are ten t-shirts all together:
1. My bright green "Repent" shirt from Spiritual Emphasis Weekend (SEW) my 9th grade year.
2. A grey "Numonohi" shirt, my high school's PE uniform.
3. My "Semper Fidelis" shirt from junior year fund-raising.
4. A bright red shirt from my best friend in high school that says "Just be happy I'm not your kid!" in yellow lettering.
5. My "Oshen" reggae shirt with a color picture on the front and the same picture in black and white on the back.
6. A maroon Lincoln Lake Baptist Camp "Wilderness Camp" shirt, also with yellow lettering, and also says, "It's in-tents!"
7. A turquoise-ish "Opportunity" softball shirt, from my sophomore year of college when I was on the team.
8. My white "Greek Geek" tee that the girls and I made our first semester of Greek during my sophomore year of college.
9. My blue "Jesus Yu Leva Stret Ya" shirt that I got while on a missions trip to PNG, spring semester of my sophomore year.
10. My gray "Lifeguard Great Wolf Lodge" uniform from this past summer.

As I was standing in Joanne's, looking at the range of colors represented by my shirts and trying to figure out a border and backing that wouldn't be too busy or clash too much, I started to get a headache. The bright lights and electronic buzz of stores in the U.S. can sometimes be overwhelming. Added to the many bold and brilliant bolts of material with vast and varying patterns, it was enough to exhaust me. I stood there staring at the selection for a while, then I feebly pulled out a few bolts here and there, holding them up to my array of shirts to see how they compared. After I had set a few aside and still come to no conclusion, I knew I needed my mom's help and opinion to make a decision.

She came and saw what I had picked out, and we discussed different possibilities before selecting a couple kinds of material for the quilt. When I mentioned my headache to her she made some comment about me being an MK. She was implying that my headache was probably due to my lack of the same shopping endurance as the western world. It's true I suppose. Shopping in the U.S. can be overwhelming at times, especially right after leaving PNG. Since I have not been out of the country in a while, I hadn't really considered that as a probable cause of the headache.

Giving it some more thought, however, I could only smile at the coincidence of MK qualities. There I was in Joanne's, with a headache likely caused by the bright lights and overwhelming quantity of stuff in the store, picking out material for a quilt made of t-shirts that I couldn't get rid of for sentimental reasons. Kinda funny how the reason a person can't handle department store lights is the same reason why they can't handle getting rid of old t-shirts.

On the other side

2009-11-18T17:28:00.012-05:00

Today I experienced the other side for the first time. Normally, I am the one getting dropped off at the airport to begin some epic journey to the other side of the country or the other side of the world. This afternoon, it was different. I dropped my roommate off at Wilkes-Barre/Scranton International Airport and bid farewell from the entrance side of the security line. Weird.

Having traveled and flown extensively, goodbyes are nothing new to me, but waiting on the entrance side of security was a first I think. The process wasn't anything new - I mean, I did the whole deal - I drove to the airport, dropped her off, parked the car, and came back in to find her and wait with her for her flight. What was strange was being on the other side of the process the whole time. I stayed, she left.

After parking the car I had planned on waiting with her for her flight, but that opportunity was completely cut-off due to a flight delay and quick itinerary change. Her new plane was already boarding when she checked in which meant that we had to go right to security and say our farewells. I gave her a hug, wished her a joyous Thanksgiving break and watched her go through security. Off with the shoes and coat, computer out, boarding pass in hand, through the metal detector. I've done it a thousand times and I could do it in my sleep, but today I watched it. So bizarre.

While the other side may be new to me, the feelings are not. Those are the same. I still feel a sense of loss, though the parting will only last for two-weeks. My thoughts have still drifted to countless goodbyes already said, and I have even imagined the goodbyes to come, namely at graduation. Truthfully, I miss my roommate already, and I hate the thought of our immanent parting at the end of next semester.

So, as I found myself driving back from the airport, alone with my thoughts, I marveled at the unfamiliar familiarity. It was such a paradox. So second nature, and so new at the same time. Normally alone in a plane, now alone in a car. Normally saddened by the parting, still saddened by the parting.

In such situations I cannot help but remember something my roommate told me once. I don't remember her exact words, but I will paraphrase:

We were not meant for goodbyes. When God created us, He did not intend for there to be such separation. It is unnatural, and that is why it grieves us. And - praise the Lord - one glorious day we will no longer have to say goodbye but will be reunited for ever, every believer in the presence of our gracious Savior.

With such thoughts ringing in my ears, it is impossible not to be comforted. I will see her, and every precious believer I have parted with, on the other side.

Faithful to the faithless

2009-11-16T18:59:00.010-05:00

At dinner this evening, some friends and I were discussing biblical characters and their imperfections. It is good to be reminded that "heroes of the faith" all had their not-so-shining moments. In truth, the biblical giants we often glorify and look up to, imagining as greater than we could ever be, are ordinary humans who messed up just like we do.

Abraham was afraid of what men might do to him, so he lied about his wife, twice. He did not have enough faith in God's promise to wait for the promised son, so he slept with his wife's concubine in order to father one on his own. Isaac played favorites among his sons, choosing to bless the one God had not chosen. Jacob was a deceiver and a manipulator. Moses was a murderer, the people of Israel complainers. Rahab was a prostitute. David was both a murderer and adulterer. Samson broke his vow because he had a weakness for women, Gideon repeatedly doubted, Barak feared going into battle without Deborah, and Samuel failed as a father. But all of these are listed as people of faith in Hebrews 11.

At our dinner conversation, we also discussed Esther. She is revered by many as courageous and God-fearing, but the decisions that led to her becoming queen were certainly not the decisions of a self-respecting Jew. Her and her uncle Mordecai did things that would horrify genuine God-fearers, but in spite of that God worked through their situation to spare the Jewish nation.

How refreshing and encouraging to remember that God can use us even though we are not perfect. What is more, He can even use our mistakes! Some of the people in the Bible that we tend to think of as spiritual giants are actually people who messed up more often than not. Though many failed more than they succeeded, we tend to look at their one shining moment of faith and glorify them because of it. Instead, the real credit in Hebrews 11 goes not to the men and women who at some point in their life showed faith in God, but to the God that they showed faith in.

He is faithful, and He works in the lives of faithless people.

Running for the Darkness

2009-11-15T14:44:00.004-05:00

This morning I was thinking about what it means to be a light to the darkness and remembering the experiences I had in that arena while working over the summer. I determined that I want to be the kind of person who runs headlong into the night, taking light to the darkest corners of this world. Though it is not comfortable, and though it will certainly be lonely, why should I fear being in the dark? That is where I am supposed to be. If God calls me to go and to go alone, let nothing stop me! I will run like a madman into the depths and shine the light that He has given me as my charge. What more could I ask but to surrender myself to this mission, whatever the cost? Look for me if you will. I will be the one running for the darkness.

Content with Christmas

2009-11-14T19:33:00.007-05:00

I was at the mall today and couldn't help but notice all the Christmas decorations that were already up. Now I don't know about you, but when I think of Christmas, I think of family, so this afternoon I smiled as I reminisced about past holiday seasons. So many fond memories.

There is the one Christmas when a supporting church sent my family two giant boxes full of gifts during our first term in Papua New Guinea. What I remember most that year was not the gifts themselves, but the newspaper war we had with all the packaging after gifts had been opened. If my memory serves me correctly, one year we celebrated Christmas in July when a package of gifts that had been lost in the mail finally arrived. Other years, while on furlough, we celebrated with one side of the family on Christmas Eve and the other side of the family about a week later. On our "Second Christmas" that year we woke up to snow, which was always a special treat for MK's from a tropical island. I remember my senior year in high school, when I made a Christmas mix CD for my "Secret Santa." With classic Christmas songs sung by contemporary artists and other songs like "Mele Kilikemaka" by Bing Crosby and The Andrew's Sisters, it is still a favorite. So nostalgic.

As I was remembering all these Christmases, I began thinking about this coming Christmas. Spending the holidays with family is not always a guarantee for an MK. This year my parents and my younger sisters are in the US so this Christmas will be spent with my family. For that I am truly grateful. Actually, this will be the second Christmas in a row that I will get to spend with my family. If it hadn't been for my youngest sister's medical crisis last October, my family would be back in PNG right now. I guess some things, even near death experiences, are blessings in disguise. As it is, God is good and this Christmas will be spent with my family, youngest sister included. But even if that weren't the case, God would still be good, wouldn't he?

This question is where my thoughts took me this afternoon at the mall. Next year I have no idea where I will be spending Christmas. For all I know I could be in another country, thousands of miles away from any family member. If I spent next Christmas alone, would I still be okay? If I didn't have all the gift giving and receiving, the Christmas tree, the family traditions, would I be content? In all honesty, I don't know. Without experiencing it personally, it is hard to say. Though I have spent Christmases with grandparents, thousands of miles away from immediate family, would I be content with Christmas alone in an apartment? Granted, wherever I may be, there will surely be families and friends to share the holiday with, but would that be enough for me? I wonder.

Of course, I know that what it ultimately comes down to is that Christmas isn't really about me, or my family, or the gifts, the tree and the traditions. Christmas is about Christ. It is about God sending His Only Son to earth, to live among us and ultimately die for us. The beauty of Christmas is not found in family so much as it is found in Christ giving up His glory and power to become a mortal. That is beautiful. He gave it all up so that He might die in our place and make us a part of His family.

I have this mental image of a child, once alone, now suddenly brought into a family to celebrate Christmas. Imagine it yourself: though you don't deserve it, you are welcomed. They treat you as if you have always been a part of the family, as if you belong. You get to enjoy food and the fellowship with your new family, and what is more, there are even gifts under the tree with your name on them. This is what Christmas is really about. It's not about my family, or yours, but about the family about God.

No matter where I may find myself next Christmas, I will always be a part of that family. I may find myself thousands of miles from my earthly family, and I may spend the day itself alone in an apartment somewhere. Even so, I must remember what Christmas really means to those who are a part of the family of God. It will take some work and it probably won't come easily, but I believe that you and I can learn to be content with Christmas, content for the right reasons.

He > me

2009-10-31T20:57:00.006-04:00

The more I learn to seek God, the more I realize how much of my life is spent seeking myself. Most of my time each day is spent bowing to my schedule and my plans. Most of my thoughts are about me: my concerns, my interests, my struggles. Even most of my relationships are me-focused. Somehow I look at relationships as though they are all about me, and at times I even take for granted the fact that without the other person there would be no relationship at all!

How is it that I can go through the routines of life without acknowledging that it really isn't all about me at the end of the day? You'd think that by simply taking a look around I would notice my own insignificance. With so many people in the world, how could it all be about me? Granted, I can only see the world through my own eyes - I am only human, and thus limited - however, I still see countless other people every day. By now I should be realizing that each person I see has their own life too. Their life is not about mine just as mine is not about theirs.

A friend of mine once put it this way: we live our lives as if we have the starring role in a movie about us and everyone else is just a supporting actor who happens to be in our movie. How ridiculous, but isn't it true? We each tend to live as if the world revolves around us and that everyone else is a part of our story. You and I are more often than not failures at seeing the people around us as people with real hurts, backgrounds, hopes, needs, feelings, thoughts, struggles, dreams, pain, and stories of their own! Failures yes, but that is not our greatest failure.

Our greatest failure is that we fail to acknowledge that our life and our story is not really about us, but about God. Self-absorbed, we commit the ultimate idolatry of self-exaltation and put ourselves in the place that is rightfully God's. How arrogant! For we are merely a vapor and a breath in His-story, and the lives we live only have significance to the extent that they are lived for Him.

The more I learn to seek God, the more I learn that living for Him is dependent upon Him. In and of ourselves we are nothing. On my own, I am insignificant. Even with Him, I myself am insignificant. And this is where I find myself: learning to be okay with my own insignificance, learning to be okay with being low, learning to seek Him and not myself. Every plan, every thought, every concern, every interest, every struggle and every relationship. Let them be all for Him.

In the gospels, we read of John the Baptist, a man who preached repentance, preparing the way for Christ. During his time, he gained somewhat of a following, but when Jesus arrived on the scene, he willingly stepped aside. Jesus' own cousin, he could have easily tried to pursue his own ends, maintaining the following that he had already gained. He could have reacted jealously to the fact that Jesus was gaining a following of His own, and he could have tried to compete. But that is not what scripture tells us. John the Baptist understood that his life was not about him, but about Christ. That is why, in John 3:30 he was able to say, "He must become greater, I must become less."

As I continue learning to seek after God, I want the same attitude to be true of my life.

Humiliated Me

2009-10-28T13:50:00.011-04:00

Last night I had a conversation with my roommate that was, to put it simply, humiliating. Through the course of the conversation I came to realize that I had made a choice a while ago that was wrong. Without going into details I will say the decision I made had been based on selfish motives. It was prideful, it was selfish, it was emotionally grounded, and it was not God-honoring, but all the while I had convinced myself that I was acting according to God's will. To my great shame and regret, I confess that I successfully deceived myself into believing that my choice was actually an act of faith in God, rather than a blatant disregard for the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

If I could paint a visual of the situation for you, it would look something like this:

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You're walking to class, loaded with books and passing others who are likewise either coming or going. Along the way, a handful of people point out that your shoe is untied. You are in too much of a hurry to take the time to stop and tie the shoe, so you keep going, believing that it's no big deal and that you are plenty careful enough not to trip on a shoelace. As you speed up, maybe a little late for class, you suddenly find yourself falling. It catches you by surprise, but at this point there's nothing to be done and you hit the pavement, books flying around you. You're lying on your face and time stands still.

In the next few seconds, you are keenly aware of the people around you. Though you know they all saw you trip and fall, you are so embarrassed that you lay there trying to figure out how you can get up without anyone noticing. It's almost as if you don't want anyone to see you get up because somehow that would be admitting to them that you fell in the first place. Instead, you lay there, too prideful to make a move as the seconds tick by.

If you lay there long enough, you begin to lose sight of your personal responsibility in the situation. You blame the people who warned you about your untied shoe for not making you stop and tie it. You blame the professor for getting so bent out of shape when people come in late for class. Given enough time, you convince yourself that you didn't really trip on your own shoelace at all, but that someone else stepped on it. Worse, you deceive yourself into actually believing that someone shoved you to the ground! You feel like you deserve an apology!

So you lay there, feeling attacked, and you're so wrapped up in your feelings of anger, hurt and frustration that you don't even hear the voices of the people around you asking if you're okay and if you need some help. But it makes no difference whether you hear them or not, because even if you did, you would reject their help, convinced that they misunderstand the situation entirely. Accepting their help would mean admitting that you have in fact fallen, and you are not about to do that.

But sadly, the reality is that you really did trip on your own shoelace, that you had been given plenty of opportunities to fix the problem, and that you still look like a moron laying in the middle of the sidewalk during peak class traffic. Get up already!

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Admittedly, I have laid on the sidewalk for far too long. It was my own sinful choice that put me there, and it took my roommate's conversation with me and a dozen of other promptings along the way to finally convince me to get up. It hurts. My knees are pretty banged up, and I have this pounding headache that will probably stick around for a while. Those are consequences that I will have to live with, but I have since tied my shoe and I don't think I'll be tripping and falling again any time soon, at least not like that.

The truth of the matter is that humiliation is good for the soul. It reminds me of how small I am, how foolish, how fallen, how desperate and how hopeless I am on my own. It sounds demoralizing, but the beauty of my humiliated state is that no matter how great my folly, my mistake, and my sin, God's grace is always greater. Because of His great mercy, I am forgiven. What is more, I was forgiven before I had even admitted my own fault!

Coming to the point of taking ownership of my sin, confessing it to God, and asking for His forgiveness has brought restoration and reconciliation. It's as though God has lovingly said to me, "I am glad you finally admitted it, but you know as well as I that you have already been forgiven. Our relationship is restored....." Sounds good doesn't it? I run into His arms and am surrounded by His embrace, comforted, but the conversation is not over yet. He continues, ".....our relationship is restored, now you must go and restore the relationships that your choice has left broken."

You see, our sins do not only affect our relationship with God, they affect our relationships with the people around us as well, especially other believers. I have forgiveness from the Father, now I must ask forgiveness from everyone that my decision may have hurt along the way. To go back to the illustration, that could be a number of people, and especially those I blamed for causing the fall. The people who warned me about my shoelace, the professor, the people on the sidewalk who offered to help.... some of them deserve an apology.

The thing about apologies is that they require humility - as if getting up off the pavement after you trip and fall wasn't humiliating enough on its own. Ironically, this semester I have been reading a book by C.J. Mahaney entitled "Humility: True Greatness". This week it has been more meaningful than ever, piercing my heart in new and profound ways. Humility is certainly not a comfortable thing, but it is necessary, and I am thankful for it.

This time around I have a couple banged up knees and a headache to show for my humiliating experience, but these are a small price to pay for a deepening understanding of the riches of God's grace, mercy, and forgiveness. If it takes falling on my face once or twice to truly appreciate the wonder of the gospel and God's gift of salvation then I think it's certainly worth it. My only hope is that I will learn from my mistake and that my next fall won't be the result of an untied shoelace in my life.

James 4:6-10 "But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

Present Discomfort

2009-10-21T16:08:00.005-04:00

Every now and then I have a homesick day. Someone mentions that they are going home for the weekend, another's family comes up to visit them, still others share random childhood memories and I am reminded of my own family and how far away they are. In some cases even the most innocent and casual conversation can send me into homesick thoughts.

I love my family very much, and I have always been a homebody at heart. To me there is nothing like the feeling of coming home, and the absolute acceptance and security that it brings. But, when I think about my family in moments of homesickness, it is very easy for me to get discouraged. Why? Because I am reminded that next summer I am graduating from college and my family is going back to Papua New Guinea. I cannot go with them. Where then is my home?

Consider the options with me:

The longest I have lived in any one place consecutively was about 7 years, from my birth until my family first left for the field. We lived in Washington, but seeing as I don't remember a whole lot from that time in my life it's hard for me to have any special attachment to the state. I spent most of my critical developing years in Papua New Guinea. Being shaped by the culture there means I have a particular fondness for the place. In reality though, I never fully assimilated and I never fully will. Papua New Guinea is not really home either. Since being back in the US these past 3 1/2 years, I have spent most of my time here in Pennsylvania at Baptist Bible College. Intermittently I lived in Michigan for one summer, Arizona for another, and Washington for the third. Are you beginning to understand my dilemma? Where then is my home?!

The answer is simple. I don't have one. Not here, not now.

The answer is simple, but it is not easy.

Homesickness to me is a profound reminder that this world is not now and never will be my home. I can find comfort through the confidence I have in a future of absolute belonging, of one day being forever home at the feet of Jesus, but oh what discomfort is mine while I wait!

Go with God

2009-09-27T15:59:00.006-04:00

The other day, as my roommate was heading out the door to go somewhere, I called out to her "Have fun!" It doesn't seem too out of the ordinary, it's just a habitual farewell, almost meaningless in its careless calling. Still, on that particular day it got me thinking. As she headed out to class and my empty words fell into silence, I wondered, "What if I had said something meaningful instead, something powerful?" I could have told her to "Go with God," or to "Make Jesus proud," or simply to "Love God." There are hundreds of more meaningful things I could have said to her that day.

So then, what if I was so focused on God that I couldn't help but share such words of challenge or encouragement with the people I meet? What if I actually meant it? Would the people around me notice a difference if I told them to "Go with God" rather than "Have fun" when they left my presence? I will have to get back to you on that.

Loving the Leper

2009-09-27T14:55:00.011-04:00

Today in church my pastor spoke about the compassion of Christ. More specifically he shared about Christ's compassion for hurting people, his compassion for those society had rejected, and his compassion for the lost.

One group of people he talked about specifically were the lepers. They were a people that society had rejected. In fact, once someone was found to be leprous, they were ostracized from society completely, forced to keep their distance and to yell "Unclean!" wherever they went. What is more, lepers were untouchable. Once diseased they lived in a world void of human touch. Truly, of all people, these were some in need of compassion.

Throughout his message, pastor asked us to think about specific people we know who are hurting, rejected by society, or lost. He challenged us to come up with specific ways to show compassion to those people in our lives. Toward the end of his message he said something that really struck me:

"If your fear of doing the wrong thing is keeping you from doing anything at all, keep in mind the perspective of the lepers of the world. They weren't picky - they just want to be touched because they haven't experienced that in a while."

I thought that was pretty profound and I had to ask myself how many times I have avoided reaching out to someone because of fear. So often I do not reach out to people around me because I worry that it will take more time than I have to invest or that their need is far greater than my capacity to meet it. In reality, the smallest gesture can make a huge difference in the life of someone who is hurting, rejected by society, or lost. So many people today just need to be touched.

But the question remains, am I willing to simply touch those around me? Am I willing to take a moment or two today to have compassion on the people God has placed in my life? Those who are hurting? Those rejected by society? The lost? Are you?

Mark 1:40-42
"A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean."
Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured."

Let the peace of Christ....

2009-09-25T21:23:00.015-04:00

This week I spent the bulk of my Wednesday working on an exposition of Colossians 3:12-17 for my Effective Bible Teaching class. Though it took a lot of time and effort, I must say that I love these kind of papers because I always learn so much about a particular book and passage. For example, let me share one cool thing that I learned in the process this time:

In verse 15 Paul writes “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.” The verb translated “rule” actually means to judge or to decide. In secular Greek this term was used in reference to the judge or official at public games who would decide and determine which players won and what prizes they would receive. A modern example would be an umpire. Basically, Paul is saying that the peace of God needs to be the deciding factor in the heart of a believer when it comes to making judgments or decisions. Thus, the decisions we make ought to lead to greater peace with God and greater peace with fellow believers. In light of the fact that this is my senior year and I have no idea what I will be doing after I graduate, this concept was an encouraging one. There are many decisions to be faced and made in my near future and the insight I have learned from this passage makes that process seem a little less daunting.

Taking it Seriously....

2009-08-20T01:35:00.010-04:00

Here's one I posted as a facebook note a while back and I just thought it would be worth adding it to my blog. It was originally posted on Monday, February 2, 2009 at 1:51pm.

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I was sitting in my room this morning, minding my own business, when the fire alarm began blaring rather abruptly in Fletcher Hall. Though it caught me off guard, I understood the possible implications of its cacophony and lights. Within moments, I was going from room to room, ushering the girls out according to the established procedure: lights off, doors shut.

One by one the girls filed out onto the sidewalk, huddling together in the chilly morning air. I watched as some stepped out barefoot. Others came with wet hair wrapped in a towel, and a bathrobe hung around them - both evidences of a shower that had been cut short. There was no last-minute make-up or glamour, just girls who had left everything behind in order to escape the danger within. As we stood there together, unified by the spectacle, I took the next course of action and called for help: BBC Security.

On the other end of the line, Ken Morris picked up. I explained to him the nature of the situation and asked him to come check it out. After a quick clarification, he was on his way and arrived a few minutes later. Pleased to see that we had taken the situation seriously, he set to work, courageously entering the smoke filled dorm. It was then that the cause of the great displacement was made known by Mama Ronda: a burning bagel.

While it may seem anti-climactic to some, the girls slowly shuffled back into the smoke filled dorm, each one sliding easily back into their morning routines. The danger, seemingly more imagined than real, had passed. Like the rest, I too went back to minding my own business, and it wasn't until I headed off to my 9 o'clock class that I gave it a second thought.

It occurred to me then that the morning's events have a spiritual application, and as I walked down the sidewalk I found myself asking, "What if we as believers took sin as seriously as we had taken the fire alarm this morning?" Certainly, any one of us would evacuate a building that was engulfed in flames, but if we had known this morning that the culprit was an over-toasted bagel, we probably would not have responded in the same way. Yet isn't that how we view sin? We readily recognize things such as murder and rape as sin, but all too often we overlook the little lies and gossips. Sin is sin, and "whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it" (James 2:10). I submit to you, then, that as believers, we need to be on guard for the burning bagels in our lives. If we turn a blind eye for too long, someday that bagel will burst into flame, and everyone knows that a flaming bagel has potential to burn down an entire building.

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Having considered this morning’s lesson myself, I thought it would be acceptable to share some of the applications and conclusions I have arrived at regarding sin:

(1) Take it seriously:
Exodus 34:7-8 “…he does not leave the guilty unpunished…”
Matthew 5:27-28 “…anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Romans 14:12 "...each of us will give an account of himself to God."
James 2:10 “…whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.”

(2) Turn the lights off and shut the door on it to prevent it from spreading:
Mark 9:43-48 “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off…”

(3) Get as far away from it as you can:
Hebrews 12:1-3 “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles…”

(4) Call for help:
Isaiah 58:9 “Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I…”

(5) Confess it:
1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

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I Left My Burdens in Tunkhannock Creek

2009-08-19T22:32:00.021-04:00

Today my dorm mom took me and my fellow RA's to Lackawanna State Park. After having us each choose a large rock from the side of the dam, she shared with us from John 8:31-36. For convenience's sake I've added these verses here, taken from the NIV:

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³¹To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. ³²Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

³³They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?"

³⁴Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. ³⁵Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. ³⁶So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

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From this passage, our dorm mom shared with us what she has been learning about our need to surrender our burdens to Christ. Freedom is ours, but true freedom comes through Christ alone. We need to let go of our sin, our failure, our worry, our fear - whatever it is that is weighing us down - and recognize that because we have a relationship with Christ, those things have been done away with.

Naturally, the rocks we had chosen represented those burdens. They were so close to us the whole time, and yet so easily forgotten while she spoke. I think that burdens, and sin, are often the same way. Sometimes I forget that they are there. I forget that I have them because I am just so used to having them around. If I carry one long enough, I may even deceive myself into thinking that it's not really that much of an inconvenience or that it's somehow perfectly normal for a person to lug a rock the size of her head around wherever she goes. But, if I were to be honest, I would have to say that more often than not I do recognize my need to be rid of the burden, but I still struggle to let it go. I am so used to having it around that it becomes habitual and I set it down just to pick it up again. It's almost as if I literally lay this physical thing, this rock, at Christ's feet and as I am turning to walk away and leave it behind I glimpse my hands out of the corner of my eye and am horrified by the fact that I am somehow still clinging to it.

But hallelujah, that does not have to be the case! If we are in Christ then we are free and free indeed! Those burdens are no longer mine to bear. That sin does not have to control me. By the grace of God, through the work of Christ His Son, I AM FREE!

So, after spending some personal time in prayer, each surrendering our burdens to the Lord, we threw our rocks, our burdens, into that water. The sheer symbolism of the act was profoundly powerful. I really can't put into words what I was thinking and feeling as I watched my rock disappear beneath the surface. What I can tell you is that I will remember the sound of that splash - that beautiful kersploosh - for a long, long time. Today I left my burdens in Tunkhannock Creek.

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