This one has been a long time coming..... and is kinda long, but here goes:
Tuesday the 11th of August was my last day at work. Another summer job left behind, another year of school looming before me. But this time it's a little different, that is, it feels different. With only my senior year remaining, I feel as though I am facing the beginning of the end. It's just another transition in a life full of transitions..... but I am getting ahead of myself.
This summer, like the one before it and the one before that, I was a lifeguard. While I can honestly say that this last job was probably my favorite lifeguarding experience, it was by far the most challenging. Not only was the certification process more demanding, but this was my first summer working in an entirely secular environment alongside unbelieving peers.
A few weeks into the experience, I was ready to call it quits. It was too discouraging and too challenging. How could I make a difference in an environment where the most important things I believe are dismissed as foolishness? How could I share my faith with people who would pity me for being what they considered sadly brainwashed? What bothered me more than what they might think about me was the fact that I had no idea how to make what I know to be true sound appealing to them. I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to be able to make any kind of impact and that I would just have to coast through the rest of the summer. Pitiful.
But God had other plans. I gradually began to form relationships and started getting to know some people. I still had no idea how to share the gospel with them, but at least I was making some friends, having a little fun and enjoying myself at work. Almost before I knew it, it came time to put in my two-weeks notice, and all too soon that last Tuesday rolled around.
Most people knew by then that I would be leaving at the end of the summer, but as people realized it was in fact my last day, a state of melancholy seemed to hang in the air. This was quickly replaced by vain efforts to convince me to stay and reason upon reason for why leaving was a bad idea. My last day at work was met with such resistance from my fellow lifeguards that I was kind of taken aback.
Fortunately, working as a lifeguard has its advantages. Like usual, I was able to spend much of the day alone with my thoughts, keeping an ever-watchful eye on the patrons. On this particular day, I spent a lot of time thinking about the act of leaving one place for another, something I have done many times in my life before. You'd think that it would get easier, that once a person has done it enough, it would become second nature. In some ways, it does. The physical routine of leaving one place for another becomes just that: a routine. Unfortunately, the emotional effects of leaving people, relationships and sentimental places behind often only gets worse. As I pondered these things that morning, I was surprised by the sense of loss that was beginning to take root. Somehow, after all the discouragement and all the stress, I was really going to miss this place and these people.
Surprised by the hurt I was experiencing, I spent much of the day going through the motions: Lifeguarding. Singing. Cleaning. Joking. Smiling. I had done these things all summer long and I carried on as though nothing was going to change. Yet saying goodbye to my new friends was all too familiar, and when it came time to bid farewell to certain special ones I found myself blinking back tears.
One such friend gave me a huge hug, and as he begged me to stay, telling me how much it sucked that I was leaving, he began to choke up. Later, when I asked him why he would miss so much someone he's known so briefly, he told me that it was because of how different I was. He told me that he would miss my upbeat happy go lucky attitude and the fact that he never saw me in a bad mood. He also mentioned how different I was from the other girls at work, how I wasn't caught up on stupid little things. His comments made me realize that in spite of myself and my attitude, God had allowed me not only to make friends, but also to have an impact in some of their lives this summer.
In the course of that conversation I was able to share with this friend the reason for the differences he saw in me. I explained that I have hope and happiness in my life not because I myself am so great but because of my personal relationship with Christ. Because of Him I can be happy even when circumstances aren't the greatest. My friend respected that.
This summer God used me in ways I hadn't expected. He also taught me something I had not anticipated learning. It's like a wise person once told me, "People will listen to whatever you say if they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you genuinely care about them." Making an impact in the lives of people is not hard work. More than anything it is about loving people where they are at. If you are willing to do at least that much, God can use you in some pretty profound ways.
Though I began the summer feeling like I was at the beginning of the end, I cannot say that now. Yes, my last collegiate summer is over; yes, this is my senior year as a student; and yes, I have no idea what I will be doing next summer. But I do know that as this part of my journey is starting to come to a close, that close is just the start. Today I find myself not at the beginning of the end, but at the end of the beginning.Labels: every day life, reflections