Every now and then I have a homesick day. Someone mentions that they are going home for the weekend, another's family comes up to visit them, still others share random childhood memories and I am reminded of my own family and how far away they are. In some cases even the most innocent and casual conversation can send me into homesick thoughts.
I love my family very much, and I have always been a homebody at heart. To me there is nothing like the feeling of coming home, and the absolute acceptance and security that it brings. But, when I think about my family in moments of homesickness, it is very easy for me to get discouraged. Why? Because I am reminded that next summer I am graduating from college and my family is going back to Papua New Guinea. I cannot go with them. Where then is my home?
Consider the options with me:
The longest I have lived in any one place consecutively was about 7 years, from my birth until my family first left for the field. We lived in Washington, but seeing as I don't remember a whole lot from that time in my life it's hard for me to have any special attachment to the state. I spent most of my critical developing years in Papua New Guinea. Being shaped by the culture there means I have a particular fondness for the place. In reality though, I never fully assimilated and I never fully will. Papua New Guinea is not really home either. Since being back in the US these past 3 1/2 years, I have spent most of my time here in Pennsylvania at Baptist Bible College. Intermittently I lived in Michigan for one summer, Arizona for another, and Washington for the third. Are you beginning to understand my dilemma? Where then is my home?!
The answer is simple. I don't have one. Not here, not now.
The answer is simple, but it is not easy.
Homesickness to me is a profound reminder that this world is not now and never will be my home. I can find comfort through the confidence I have in a future of absolute belonging, of one day being forever home at the feet of Jesus, but oh what discomfort is mine while I wait!Labels: family, reflections