Lately I have been wrestling with God's call on my life, sensing that He is moving towards a lifestyle of greater commitment to Him than the one in which I have been existing. By that I do not mean to say that up to this point I have been uncommitted to Him. Rather, as He continues to work on my heart, making me more and more like His Son, God is opening my eyes to what it really means to love and serve Him, what it really means to be a follower of Christ. With such new-found awareness, He is asking me to make a choice - to chose to take my commitment to the next level.
So I stand at a crossroads of sorts. With eyes newly-opened I see stretching before me a life of sacrifice, loneliness, and struggle, with unspeakable riches and glory at the end of it. I want to make it to the end, and I want to hear those cherished words,
"Well done, good and faithful servant..." but I'm not so keen on all that lies between here and there.
I stand and stare up this rugged mountain path, weighing my options and trying to bring myself to the point of making a decision. As I do, the dark fog surrounding it all slowly begins to fade here and there. With each lifted cloud I see more of the road that lies ahead, though most of it remains hidden from view - particularly the steps just ahead. Through the mist, however, I can see glimpses of the cross, high above. It seems to be waiting just for me.
My chest aches with the longing to own that cross... to live a life worthy of it... and someday to embrace it at last. But beside me is my own beam of rugged wood, my cross which I must carry up that mountain. It seems an unbearable task, yet as I stand here gazing up at that mountain I know that I must do it. I have made my choice, but I still must make my move.
Throughout the day I have meditated on Christ's last moments on earth. I think of His prayers in the garden of Gethsemane. I consider how He prayed for the cup to pass from Him. In some small way I think I understand more clearly now than ever the battle that was raging that night.
It is encouraging to know that even Christ Himself did not look forward to answering God's call. As I wrestle today, Christ also wrestled, counting the cost of obedience to the will of God. Certainly, the price He paid was greater than any price I shall ever have to pay; still, my prayer must be the same as His: "Not my will, but yours..."
A second point of meditation this day, and the one behind the title of this post, has been the fact that Christ went to the cross alone. No one could go with Him, no one could accomplish His task in His place. If He was going to be obedient to the Father, He had to walk up that that mountain with His cross and do what needed to be done. He counted the cost and He gave everything that it required, everything He possibly could. And at the end of it all, He had earned the right to say,
"It is accomplished..."
There is a high cost to following God, and living a lifestyle of commitment to Him does not come cheaply. Jesus paid the cost, a greater amount than anyone ever could or ever will. Those who would truly follow Him must count the cost as well. The hard truth is, if I am not denying myself, taking up my cross, and following Him, I cannot rightly call myself a Christian.
"18Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, "Who do the crowds say I am?"
19They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life."
20"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
Peter answered, "The Christ of God."
21Jesus strictly warned them not to tell this to anyone. 22And he said, "The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life."
23Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? 26If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. 27I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.""
Labels: journal/quiet time, reflections