I struggled to focus this morning as I settled in for my quiet time. In an effort to regroup my thoughts I abandoned my regular reading and turned to Proverbs 13. Maybe reading a few short proverbs would release me from wandering thoughts and the pervasive tiredness that plagued me.
It worked. In reading the chapter, I observed a couple of themes. Responding to rebuke, instruction, discipline, counsel, occupied the most of my thoughts. Over and over this topic came up.
Verse 1: "A wise son acceots his father's discipline, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."
Verse 10: "Through insolence comes nothing but strife, but wisdom is with those who receive counsel."
Verse 13: "The one who despises the word will be in debt to it, but the one who fears the commandment will be rewarded."
Verse 18: "Poverty and shame will come to him who neglects discipline, but he who regards reproof will be honored."
Verse 24: "He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently."
Many principles may be gleaned from these words, and they were fresh to me as I considered a conversation I had with a friend the other night. For clarity's sake, it is enough to know that I had gently confronted this friend about something they had repeatedly said in a joking or sarcastic manner, non-malisciously poking fun at a certain group of people.
My concern was twofold:
- Suppose someone from this particular group of people happened to hear what was said. How would that make them feel? Would they be edified? Encouraged?
- What is the underlying motive for saying such things? Is it purely for personal enjoyment/amusement? Even if it is simply a joke, innocent of any intention to harm, is it necessary or beneficial? Does it encourage and edify those with whom it is shared?
Sometimes I fail to articulate well, and I fear this may have been the case the other night as I expressed these concerns. The bottom line is that I have great respect for this friend, and such joking comments appear to me unbecoming of their character.
As I read the proverbs above, I considered my friend's reaction to my gentle rebuke. Most of us respond to rebuke defensively. We are quick to explain ourselves and to provide reasons or excuses for our behavior and our speech. Our pride demands that others think highly of us, and the moment we hear otherwise we seek to change that and justify ourselves in the eyes of men.
But reread those verses above. Wisdom demands humility. Wisdom demands receiving instruction, counsel, rebuke, and even discipline with grace. If we desire wisdom, and the blessings that come with it, we are to listen to and accept rebuke.
When you really think about it, as I did this morning, you will acknowledge that this is not easy to do, and that it is not really the culturally or socially acceptable response to rebuke. In our individualistic, do-what-feels-right, absolute-truth-lacking world, the appropriate response to rebuke is to stand up for yourself and your rights. After all, who has the right to tell you what to do or how to live? Isn't that up to you?
As noted, this comes back to pride. We think of ourselves too highly, and we downplay our own depravity and sin.
By the grace of God, my meditation this morning turned toward evaluating my own responses to rebuke. How good it is to be reminded of our own weakness! Probably 98% of the time my response to correction is to defend or explain myself so that my actions might somehow appear justified. It's true. I am a prideful little sinner, with much room to grow.
It is better, and wiser by far, to embrace correction. This should especially be true of rebuke and instruction that is offered in genuine love. Proverbs 27:6 says "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy." The best friends, genuine friends, will correct you when necessary. Instead of getting defensive, we ought to thank those who care enough to rebuke us. They do so because they love us.
With some reservation, I am praying that God will help me to grow in this area of graciously accepting correction. I say reservation because growth will likely require being rebuked and corrected a few times over, and having to swallow some pride.
But love and a desire to restore always accompanies biblical correction and rebuke (see Galatians 6:1 and verse 24 above, among other passages). Friends, I challenge you to evaluate your habits of correction and rebuke. Do they demonstrate genuine love for the brethren? Evaluate the way you respond when others correct and rebuke you. Are you gracious and humble, or are you defensive and proud? Let's not read what the Word has to say about such things and fail to live them out. Let's be doers of the Word, and not hearers only!
With that in mind, I welcome the loving correction of brothers and sisters in Christ and pray that God may grant me the grace to respond wisely when it comes.Labels: Bible/theology, journal/quiet time