On Sunday, the 5th of May, I arrived at Immanuel and headed to my prayer room. [Instead of Sunday School classes, my church gathers in different prayer rooms where we pray for each other and for the missionaries we have sent out.] Ben was already there, early as usual. He noticed me right away from his spot in the back row and we sheepishly exchanged knowing smiles.
There were no empty seats on either side of him, so I strategically chose one right in front of him, turning around so we could chat before the prayer meeting began. I can't recall what we talked about then, but something in his smile told me that he had talked to my small group leader. We both knew that the other was interested, but since it was a topic we had not yet personally broached, our conversation was full of wonder and intrigue, hesitation, excitement, and caution, all at the same time. It was wonderful.
After prayer, I think we might have all sat together during the worship service, Ben and I with my small group leader and his wife. In any case, after the service we gathered to have lunch together. I chose Uncle Maddio's Pizza because of its gluten free options, and we headed out. Conversation over lunch was pleasant and the food delicious, but we didn't talk at all about Ben and me. Towards the end of the meal, my small group leader began hinting that they should probably go, and suggested that Ben and I should "...probably go have coffee or something and talk."
We decided on Dunkin' Donuts, which was just down the road, and after parting with our company, the two of us headed off. I was full of excitement and yet uncertainty, afraid to believe that Ben could really be interested in me until I had heard it from his own mouth. Unwilling to bring up the topic myself, I waited eagerly, wondering what he was really thinking until he finally said something.
Sitting at a little table, coffees in hand, Ben asked me about my recent conversation with my small group leader. Happily, I told him all that had been shared with me. He confirmed the information, and then added that he would like to get to know me more, and to do so in the context of courtship. Inwardly I was elated, but I wanted more details.
"That sounds great," I said, "but people have different ideas about what courtship looks like. What does that mean to you?" If he wasn't serious about the possibility of marriage at the end of courtship and was just a "let's wait-and-see-what-happens" kind of guy, I wasn't interested. The last thing I wanted was to get hurt again in a committed relationship that wasn't actually going anywhere. Nor did I want the danger of being in a relationship with limited accountability.
Like a boss, Ben expertly transitioned into explaining his three point vision for courtship, which seemed like a mini-sermon he had prepared beforehand. His vision for courtship:
1. To find the answer to the question, "Can we marry?"
2. To find that answer in the context of community.
3. To grow as brother and sister in the Lord together, regardless of the answer to that question.
I had planned on drilling him to find out what his ultimate intentions were, but with a clear vision like that I had no need. I was more than satisfied, I was impressed. Clearly he had put careful thought and planning into this and wasn't just flying by the seat of his pants. What's more, he had conducted himself and planned to conduct himself in ways that would guard and protect me throughout the courtship, rather than taking advantage of me in any way or putting me in emotional danger.
In three points, Ben had answered all the questions I had come with, and though there was much I still didn't know about him, I knew that I could be a part of his vision of courtship. "Ya, that sounds like something I could be a part of..." I told him with a smile.
And thus, on Cinco de Mayo, 2013, our relationship officially began. It was only a couple weeks after I had really taken notice of Ben, and only a week after the mini-marathon, but it was the first day of the real race that we had begun to run together.Labels: every day life